#tbh though i wish i worked somewhere more chill. like. my sister can at least relax a little bit at her job some days

[be-good-to-bugs]

oh so the horrors are neverending

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Liam

Rio: I still can’t believe all that mess just happened

Rio: I swear to God my friends aren’t usually that trash like… what the fuck

Liam: it was unbelievable, are you ok

Rio: Like not at all but there’s nothing you can do

Rio: and you’ve already done loads more than I could ask, so don’t worry

Rio: This has really blindsided me, I’d never have expected this from her

Liam: sometimes you don’t know people how you think you do, or you did but they change on you into somebody else

Rio: So true

Rio: I never knew her, clearly

Rio: and she didn’t know me if she thought I was ever going to take her side over my family, was that the plan?

Rio: I genuinely do not get why she did this, tbh

Liam: she probably wasn’t planning further ahead than getting your other mate to take her side, she did things without thinking when I knew her

Rio: Who in their right mind would take her side

Rio: even without the full story

Liam: I dunno, I could be looking at it wrong and what she wanted was for all this to come out

Rio: Now I’m just worried there’s something seriously wrong with her

Rio: it’s not normal, no shit but

Rio: there has to be something going on to drive her to this, right?

Liam: if it’s a cry for help, getting this many other people involved and doing it tonight is a weird twist

Rio: It’s fucked, on so many levels I can’t even get into

Rio: Poor Edie

Rio: Is she mad at me now?

Liam: you don’t have to worry about Edie, she saw what Lex was like before this, she’s a good judge of who people are underneath whatever they put across

Rio: at least one of us is

Rio: I just don’t want her thinking I was out to ruin her night or make it about me and my friends’ bullshit

Rio: I was trying to do the opposite, draw a bigger crowd, you know

Liam: she understands where you were coming from, and it’s like you said, the two of us are in a bubble, I’m not gonna let anything ruin her night or switch up what it’s about

Rio: I’m really glad

Rio: At least that good still came from tonight

Rio: she doesn’t need to feel involved with all this Lexie business, it’s definitely about me, not Edie and you, I can see that now

Liam: I’d be a dick when you’re still going through it if I said I was buzzing we’re both out of it but I was questioning when it started if it was a bit about me, and her, I dunno what I could or would do if Lexie was, like, in love with me or something

Rio: But perfectly valid, this is a shit show

Rio: You don’t need to worry about her, she’s not going to come anywhere near me or mine ever again

Rio: it’s a betrayal beyond what she said in the text, and she knows that

Liam: she don’t worry me, and you don’t have to worry about anything but what she’s trying to involve you in

Rio: Oh we’re done

Rio: now I know she can’t fuck with me any more

Liam: loads of good came out of tonight then

Rio: I suppose that’s true

Rio: it doesn’t feel like that right now but hey

Liam: being done with her shite is gonna feel better in the long run

Rio: Sorry, I am not trying to dump this on you

Rio: that’s how I got here

Liam: Edie’s not mad at you but she would be at me if I just dipped on her sister in the middle of this

Rio: I appreciate that you took the time to do the digging

Rio: can I ask how you went about it?

Liam: not if you’re asking bc you wanna do more on her, that’s not being done or gonna make you feel better

Rio: Oh, no, it’s not about her

Rio: It’s for personal reasons

Liam: if you don’t know what you’re doing you’re gonna end up alerting the person you’re looking into before you find out what you wanna know

Rio: and it’s not something you can teach me?

Rio: I’m not a totally technophobic 👵 I swear

Liam: I don’t even know what you’re looking for

Rio: If Lexie had done more to me, behind the scenes, how could I find out if it was her

Liam: you’d know bc she can’t cover her tracks, it was easy for me to find the things I did

Rio: you don’t think she could keep it up then

Rio: yeah, that’s probably true

Liam: I don’t know, maybe if she wanted this to blow up as fast as it did and didn’t want something else to

Rio: She’s shot herself in the foot if it was her

Rio: anyway

Rio: I still feel bad, I should make it up to Edie

Liam: we could be giving her too much credit or not enough

Liam: Edie meanwhile deserves full credit for how the show went

Rio: I’m going to take her on an actual decent night out

Rio: you’re invited too, of course

Liam: thanks, if she wants me there, I’ll be there

Rio: We could go [somewhere bouj and your vibe] next weekend

Liam: where 😏

Liam: now I’ve searched it, yeah, alright, she’ll feel 👑 going there

Rio: Right?

Rio: I know it was technically your birthday but a girl can never feel like a 👑 too much

Rio: I’ll take her shopping first too but you don’t have to come to that bit, don’t worry 😉

Liam: wouldn’t be the first time I’ve waited outside a fitting room with a bag or the extra clothes they won’t let you take in

Rio: Bless

Rio: sisters are good training for girlfriends, for sure

Rio: I went out with a guy who had like all brothers and he was hopeless

Liam: my ma’d claim it’s more to do with her, however much of me is well behaved

Rio: well of course, that goes without saying

Rio: you aren’t a mummy’s boy type though, are you? 🤴

Rio: ‘cause I hadn’t even thought to warn her about that possibility yet

Liam: you’re too late with any warnings now

Rio: god, don’t say that, sounds so 😬 like 😂

Liam: if she calls me a mammy’s boy when you ask her, I’ll see myself out, like

Rio: I highly doubt she’ll say anything negative about you

Liam: your ma didn’t order me out when I met her, but you can give me a clue if she was just being polite, yeah

Rio: She was as surprised as the rest of us

Rio: but she’s pretty chill, and you aren’t a serial killer, so you’re good on that one

Liam: bit soon to crack a joke at Lexie’s expense or yours about how we don’t all get caught doing what we shouldn’t

Rio: 😏

Rio: if my sister goes missing, I think I’ll be able to put 2x2 together on that one, babe

Liam: the boyfriend did it every time, no technological skill required to solve the case, only luminol and an awareness of toxic masculinity

Rio: no wonder my ma liked you if you came out with all that

Rio: that’s just her energy

Liam: liked could be a bit strong but I’ll work on it, I get that everyone’s not gonna be celebrating as hard as mine is

Rio: that’s so cute 😫

Rio: it’s sweet, no one’s hating now

Liam: it’s the looking older thing, putting me at a disadvantage one time, but she knows I’m not 24 or something crazy now

Rio: No offence, but it could be a lot worse

Rio: she’s gone around with some strange people 🥴😷

Rio: and yeah, you aren’t that much older, really, so along with what you clearly have in common

Rio: I see it

Liam: not gonna get offended you think I’m normal, it’s a massive asset when I’m going round being a huge criminal, clearly

Rio: Ha, is it

Rio: stop with your jokes I’m tryna be sincere 😅

Liam: stop being sincere, you’ve had a fucked up night and if you don’t 😂 you’ll be 😭 is the cliche

Rio: God, too real

Rio: How tragic of me

Liam: nobody’ll hear it from me 😂 or 😭

Rio: Cheers, like

Rio: I’ll go get another drink and toast being free/drown my sorrows

Liam: I’d offer but you could be 3 drinks in while I’m still waiting to be served

Rio: I look older too 💁‍♀️

Liam: 🥂

Rio: I’d offer to get you guys some but I can’t 👀 yous and I’m sure you’re gonna go do something better now

Liam: I'll think of something to put the spotlight back on Edie and keep her feeling special until it's your turn

Rio: 🥰

Rio: Good job

Liam: she could teach you how to find out if Lexie did mess with you at all before, instead of giving a stranger like me access to your devices

Rio: Ah, I don’t wanna worry her

Rio: I’ll just forget about it, it’s no big

Liam: is it that worrying

Rio: Maybe I’m just over-protective, I’m sure that’s what she’d say

Liam: yeah, honestly, but I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing

Rio: She’ll thank me when she’s not a crazy teen

Liam: probably true

Rio: It sounds like wishful thinking, I know

Rio: but I’ve been there

Liam: wishful thinking you ain’t a crazy teen no more

Rio: Charming! 😂

Liam: not a 👵 you wanted me to know

Rio: If I am you are, and you want me to know you’re not too old for her soooo 🤫

Liam: you already admitted it could be loads worse

Rio: You aren’t some sleazy ‘producer’ who pretends you don’t know how old she really is

Rio: or some wannabe rockstar

Liam: unwishful thinking or did it happen

Rio: She’s not stupid, thank God

Rio: just nightmare scenarios that would be way more worrying if she remotely was

Liam: it’s that you’ve been afraid to come to her shows before now then

Rio: Pretty much

Rio: and idk

Rio: contrary to how it seems, I try to let them have their own things

Liam: I get your motives

Rio: If she wanted me there, she’d ask, wouldn’t she?

Liam: if it’s that simple between you two

Rio: Simple ain’t the word

Liam: which sounds like her coming out with what she do or don’t want ain’t likely

Rio: She’s been vocal about what she doesn’t want but I can’t do that for her, that’s the problem

Liam: confrontation where you don’t expect anything to change is easier than getting vulnerable over something you could have, or wish you could, but dunno if you’ll get

Liam: her music matters to her, but you playing along and 👏 bc you’re her big sister isn’t enough

Rio: I know it does, doesn’t she know that

Liam: she thinks you don’t take it serious

Rio: That’s not true

Liam: to her it is or she wouldn’t have told me and I wouldn’t be telling you

Rio: I don’t know why I’ve said any of this to you

Liam: there’s some anonymity as you don’t know me, but I’m kinda invested so you’re not just venting to someone who isn’t

Rio: Honestly, forget about it

Rio: I can talk to my own sister when I need to, we’re fine

Liam: yeah, but you can let me help too

Rio: What can you do about it?

Liam: you’re here bc I invited you

Rio: She could’ve said no

Liam: and she didn’t, she said it was a good idea

Rio: yeah

Rio: me and Edie are fine

Rio: despite any efforts from ex-friends or otherwise

Liam: nobody’s crediting Lexie to that level

Rio: what are you saying, Liam?

Rio: if there’s a problem you know about, then just say

Liam: if it was about her it’d be over, it’s you saying it ain’t simple between you and Edie, I’m not saying anything

Rio: It never is, is it

Rio: were things simple with your sister?

Liam: yeah, a terminal illness is gonna make things pretty simple, like

Rio: Oh, I would’ve imagined the opposite

Liam: not for a relationship dynamic, she gets what she wants

Rio: I guess so

Rio: well, obviously, it can’t work like that long-term, sorry to be blunt

Rio: but I’m not telling you anything you don’t know

Liam: I wasn’t telling you to follow the example of me and my sister

Rio: I know

Rio: Some things can’t be fixed, that’s the truth

Liam: don’t mean you throw round a statement like that and stop trying to

Rio: All I do is try

Rio: you don’t know

Liam: I know Edie’s worth the effort

Rio: and so do I

Liam: you’ve got time and loads of chances to keep on trying is the truth

Rio: Look, it’s not a secret I’m dating our cousin, so I know you know that

Rio: it’s also not a secret that plenty of people, Edie being one of them, are not fans of that

Rio: I can’t change any of that, that’s something we’re all going to have to live with

Liam: there’s stuff you can change though that’d make things better than they are

Rio: I’m not doing anything else wrong

Rio: in her eyes, anyway

Rio: that’s where the problem starts and stops

Liam: if you say so

Rio: You’ve known her five minutes

Rio: I really don’t need a lecture when I’ve known her her whole life

Liam: I wouldn’t keep it this vague if I was putting you in your place instead of trying to spare your feelings

Rio: Spare my feelings? Like she hasn’t said it all a million times worse? 😂

Rio: worry about what you know about her after-all, but thanks

Liam: I’ve got no worries about her

Rio: ‘course not

Rio: look, I sincerely mean drop it

Rio: it’s been an intense night and a weird one on my end, let’s act like we left it there, yeah

Liam: you not wanting my help don’t mean I’m retracting the offer, it’s still there

Rio: You’re dating her, you don’t need to impress me, like

Liam: it’s about her, not you

Rio: You don’t reckon she’s better off without me then

Liam: I wouldn’t admit to it, isolating someone from their family and mates is a huge red flag

Rio: 😏 Encouraging as ever that you just bring that shit up in lieu of nothing

Liam: you brought it up

Rio: no I didn’t

Liam: when you asked me if I think she’d be better off without you

Rio: that’s hardly accusing you of being a psycho abuser

Liam: it’d be a toxic thought for me to have, especially bc I’ve not known her long enough for you

Rio: you haven’t known her long enough to have a go at me on the matter, that’s what I meant by that

Liam: I’m not having a go, I’m having a convo you started and I think is worth keeping going, for Edie’s sake

Rio: I’m not mad at you

Rio: so agreed

Liam: she’s already helped me loads with shite I’m struggling with, I wanna help her too, if I can

Rio: that’s nice

Rio: genuinely

Rio: you clearly care, I don’t have to worry about that

Liam: we did just meet but everyone’s gotta start somewhere

Rio: of course

Rio: you know people usually don’t go this fast though, I’ve not just imagined that up

Rio: most lads ‘refuse to put a label on it’

Liam: most lads think they’ve got as much time as they want to fuck about, my brain’s not wired for wasting it

Rio: I get that

Rio: but you don’t have to skip ahead, miss the fun parts, you know

Rio: like, you don’t feel forced, right

Liam: what do you think she’s rushing me into or vice versa

Rio: I know our experiences shape us, and we have no control over that, trust me, I do

Rio: but idk, it’d make me sad to think you end up doing things you didn’t actually want to, or miss out on the little things, for the sake of fitting it all in, in pursuit of those milestones

Rio: you know

Rio: neither of you deserves that

Liam: you’ve described the opposite of what we’re both doing, it’d be funny if I’d never done any of it before or I was pretending to you I hadn’t, but I’m not with her

Liam: I want it to be different and she knows it is

Rio: If that’s what you both want

Rio: then that’s all good with me

Liam: after that’s what Lexie did, I fully expected Edie to want me to do stuff I wasn’t down to, but that was before I really knew her

Rio: What did Lexie do?

Liam: you know how she can be, it was intense, and asking too much of me

Rio: that’s fucked up of her

Rio: are you okay, did you tell anybody?

Liam: what would I have said, she fancies me too hard, I had bigger things going on, it barely registered until I said about it to Edie and she was upset for me

Rio: She shouldn’t have gone out with you

Rio: even if she thought she was doing a nice thing, she clearly wasn’t mature enough to even attempt to go about it in a good way

Liam: I shouldn’t have agreed to it, she wasn’t forcing that bit, it was on me

Rio: You were grieving, bad decisions are expected

Liam: nobody was mature enough back then, it was ages ago

Rio: so young

Liam: too late now to use the rushing things chat on her

Rio: I don’t think she’s been an evil bitch the whole time

Rio: she got it wrong back then

Rio: but this time she’s crossed a line

Liam: and got caught out for it

Rio: yep

Rio: oh well, at least it’s over

Rio: even if I never work out what I did to make her do that

Liam: it’s clearly a her thing, whatever her damage is, not your fault somehow you could point at and say yeah there’s what I did

Rio: yeah

Rio: I think I’d rather I could know, what it was about

Rio: that over thinking she did it just ‘cos

Liam: I could look again, see if there’s more to find, but it ain’t gonna be a folder called why

Rio: ha

Rio: nah, you’re alright

Rio: I can move on without it

Liam: drowning your sorrows or doing a cheers, wasn’t it

Rio: 🥂

Liam: I can see you

Liam: but we're gonna head off, direct from your sister is she already feels high

Liam: I'll pick her up if you wanna 👋 [and do pick her up before Rio can answer lol]

Rio: I saw your ma commented, are you going home?

Liam: not straight back

Rio: okay, well have fun

Liam: and you

Rio: 🧡🧡

Rio: and tell her I’m sorry, yeah?

Rio: and that she was really good

Liam: yeah, I'll let her know

Rio: thanks, Liam

Liam: she'll wanna hear it

Rio: I hope so

Liam: and about [wherever they are going on this double date] too

Rio: convince her if not

Rio: she’ll 🧡 it when she gets there

Liam: both of us getting to dress up will have her 😁

Rio: absolutely

Rio: I’ve not completely forgotten who she is, like

Liam: I was hyping up your plan not calling you out as being blackout drunk this fast

Rio: you know what I mean

Rio: blackout is now the mood but hey

Liam: don’t let Lexie get to you

Rio: I’ll do my best 🙃

[joyfullynervouscreator]

The Walkers pt 6

Chapter 6 - this is long ;)... but so are most of the chapters in this work tbh...

 Somehow, the small bird’s insistence gives him hope, forces him onwards, his long strides eating up the miles as he walks through the autumn weather; it is still sunny, but the nights are beginning to chill. Beorn is glad of his other skin when night falls, the fur keeping him pleasantly warm and protected from the wind that cries across the plains, bringing with it the first nip of winter.

Running.

As you flee, your lynx body has never run faster, and you don’t care about possible pursuit, don’t care about being spotted, you simply need to be somewhere you won’t be found by a Man when it comes at last, when the fire takes over, burning away all reason with furious need. You feel desperation licking at your heels, knowing Ordred will be back soon, along with his parents and siblings. You curse your biology, but there is no way you can explain to Athelstan’s family why you’re crying out in the barn, why you’re begging for your mate to quench the fire, why you’re covered in bruises. At best, they’ll think you’re insane, but at worst… at worst, Ordred will get his wish. You do not think you could survive that, not when you return to your right mind to find that you’ve mated with him because he was the only one available. Even Men might be affected by the scent of a female in heat, or simply look for their own pleasures. You have not had cause to test it. Athelstan was away for war the first time, but he kindly went to visit his sister the second time… you do not think Ordred will show you the same kindness, remembering his roving eyes and covetous gaze.

Even mated females are weak afterwards, relying on the care of their mate… It is a lesson your mother told you, her eyes pained with old sorrow as she spoke of her sister, set upon by Men, because she had strayed without care and used until she had no more to give, then left for dead. ‘You need your mate to care for you, or you need to make arrangements for your own care’, she said, and it was a lesson that stuck, having watched Lillia work herself bloody in the throes of what is now coming for you, dreading the agony even though you have gone through it before, survived before… but that was with Beorn, or at home on the farm, a small voice in the back of your head worries, with ready access to food or even just water. You snarl at the voice, your tail swishing as you put on another burst of speed towards the dark blur on the horizon.

Fear keeps you moving, keeps you running, a different fear than the last time you ran for your life, but no less potent, your lungs heaving in air as you push your paws to go faster, further, faster. You have to get far enough away that no one will find you, will force you into a bond you would not want if you could choose. There are reasons for mating in non-heat years, for learning, and building, and trusting, even for love – before there are cubs to tend and raise.

 As you run, the embers light, consuming your flesh with more and more fire, until you feel like you are ablaze with it. You keep running, pushing away the mindless need with boundless fear. The trees beckon.

 In the coolness of ‘haunted’ Fangorn, you surrender to yourself, feeling a wry amusement that your screams will add to the tales of the ‘evil’ trees if anyone hears you. They will not dare investigate, even if they do.

  Beorn almost doesn’t believe it when he catches her scent, her territory marked around the boundary of a small farmstead; the smell is a little stale, but unmistakably Ullrae. He’d know her anywhere, even though it has been so long since the last time he smelled it. His heart beats faster, as he sets off in a run, loping with long strides towards the farm.

“Ullrae!” he calls, his voice hoarse with emotion. Ullrae does not appear. Instead, one of the straw-haired Men appears in the doorway. Beorn sniffs. He does not like the scent of this man – is this Ullrae’s friend? Her mate? – who picks up an axe before he steps any closer. Beorn smirks, wondering if the Man thinks himself a threat. The thrush chirps from its perch in his wild mane, scolding him for jostling it with his run. Beorn chuckles at the small bird, before focusing on the man with the axe. He is young, and looks strong – for a Man, at least. Behind him, an older woman appears. The resemblance is clear: his mother, most likely.

“Who are you?” the young man asks, staring suspiciously at Beorn’s smile. Beorn smiles wider, breathing in the scent of unease wafting from the man. Good. He does not smell like Ullrae; even if he did, Beorn isn’t sure he would have been any less intimidating. In fact, he might have been more so. He wants answers, and he wants them now.

“Beorn is my name,” he replies, nodding. The man seems startled, but then his face closes off in anger. Scenting the air, he does not think Ullrae is still here, but Beorn has to ask; he is so close, he can almost feel her, safe in his arms where she belongs. “I am looking for the woman Ullrae. Golden eyes and brown hair, about this tall,” he indicates; Ullrae is a little shorter than him, “sharp features.” The older woman opens her mouth, but the young man pushes her back inside the house before she can speak.

“Aye, she was here,” he says, darkly, “she’s dead. We buried her yesterday, by the pasture.” Beorn can’t speak, turning woodenly to the plot of upturned earth the Man indicates. He feels nearly paralyzed. “Now get you gone, tall one, there’s nothing for you here.”

Moving slowly, Beorn walks towards the new grave, falling to his knees beside the dirt. The thrush chirps, but he pays no attention to the tugging of its feet in his hair. Ullrae… her scent is here, faint, but he can’t deny that it is fresher here than at the borders of the farm where he first found it. Fresher… and mixed with the scent of death, the sweet decay of meat.

He is too late. He has not kept her safe, protected his mate… again.

Burying his fingers in damp soil, Beorn begins to sing softly. It is an old mourning song, learned many years ago, and he barely remembers the words as his tears water the earth around his clenched fists.

 In the grasslands rivers flow In the mountains Walkers roam Hear my song of sorrow, mourning; for now I Walk through life alone.

She joined the Hunt Eternal forever wild she will run her kin her welcome gladly as they play in the rays of the sun

I walk the world on my own only silence meets my roar Until we join once again and, as spirits, spread wings to soar.

 “ULLRAE!!” her name is a roar; the bear’s roar of utter agony. There is no response; the thrush has flown away, though Beorn does not realise, staring numbly at her grave.

 Beorn does not move until the last rays of the sun has long-since set. He knows at least one Man is watching, but he does not turn to see if it is the woman or the man, sees nothing but the path north as he removes his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the ground. Behind him, someone shrieks, but Beorn does not care, simply begins walking, naked, as his heart is torn apart, shredded by the vicious teeth of separation; separation so painful he does not know how he keeps walking. He believes he will find her once more, find her in the Hunt when he dies, but it is little comfort, one thought screaming in his head. Every step he takes, it resounds in his mind, breaks another little piece of his heart.

I am the last Walker.

He though so before, but he’s had thirty years of peace from that fact, and now… now he is alone once more, and he knows that this time… this time he will fight for vengeance alone, no longer caring whether he survives his hunt for the Orcs who destroyed his people.

  “Why did you tell him she died?” Mildwyn frowns at her son. She has only met Ullrae a few times, and she is worried about what happened to her, why she has left so suddenly, leaving all her clothes and things behind. If that man knows Ullrae, maybe he’d be willing to help search for her? Folcwine had offered to stay and help, but she’d convinced her husband to return to Aldburg; the inn had been left in the care of less experienced hands for several days already.

“She will be my wife, mother,” Ordred replies, smiling. Mildwyn does not like that smile; it is too dark for her son. “When she returns, I will make her mine; whoever that man was, he will not come back, will not try to take her away.”

Mildwyn shakes her head. Ordred seems so certain of his future, but Athelstan said Ullrae did not want him; he wouldn’t… force her… right? Walking to the window, she looks out at the giant man who is crumbled by her brother’s grave; Mildwyn recognizes the motion of his shoulders as sobs. She cannot hear him, but there is no mistaking the grief in the lines of his body. Ordred is wrong to trick him so, she knows, the sight of such a powerful man brought low tearing at her mother’s heart, even if she doesn’t know him at all. It is clear that Ullrae was important to him; he has that same look as she did, something unusual and a bit animalistic – perhaps she is his kin? Making a swift decision, Mildwyn moves to the doorway, intending what she doesn’t know, but Ordred blocks her path easily. Looking over his shoulder, she watches the man undress, her mouth falling open at the sight. Ordred turns, and she pushes past him in his distraction, but he pulls her back into the house with a violent tug that makes her cry out in surprised pain at the strength of his grip.

“Stay here, mother,” he commands harshly, before ducking out of the small farmhouse. Mildwyn stares after him, heart racing. She wishes she had returned to Aldburg with her husband. This man… is not like the son she raised.

  The bear moves among the trees, the Man little more than a ball of red-hot agony in the back of his brain. It doesn’t matter; the bear simply moves on, instinct guiding him towards his enemies. The bear does not think, it only knows that its mate is gone, and with her any hope of cubs – of a future. There is only vengeance left, only the siren-call of blood to be spilled, death to be dealt – and found.

  You feel weaker than ever before when you come back to yourself; unable to move. You know you must, know you have to get up, get moving. Unless you wish to die here, you need food, but you don’t care. Grief envelops you as you lie in the mulch, too tired even to whimper, almost too dried out to weep. Athelstan will have been buried by now, you know, and you had not been there to witness it, had left before anyone came to the house. You wonder briefly what Mildwyn and Gyda will think to find you gone, but the thought disappears into a hazy doze. For a long time, you simply lie there, listening to the trees overhead, the sounds of animals uncaring that you are dying beneath the branches. You have stopped screaming; peace is once more restored in the forest and slowly the sound of a trilling bird fills your ears. You close your eyes, feeling the calm of the green world around seep into your bones.

 The thrush is back, Beorn realises absentmindedly, and because he’s become so used to following the chirpy little thing the bear turns away from his straight north course, turns away from the straight path to vengeance and death and follows the bouncy ball of feathers as it hops from branch to branch, leading him to a small clearing.

Leaves cover the body, dirt streaks her skin; she blends in so well he’s almost stepping on her before he sees the naked woman. Nosing her neck, the bear whines, knowing that she is important, but the Man does not care to make sense of what he sees, what he feels, content to sit in his heart-ache and replay her face in a million lights and moods. The bear huffs, nosing cool skin again. The woman whimpers, but her eyes do not open. Lying down beside her, Beorn manages to grab her arm in his teeth, rolling over to pull her onto his back. Her wrist snaps, which makes him wince, but the woman does not even cry out at the pain. He walks, slowly, letting his nose lead him to water as he roars at the part of him that belongs in human skin.

They have to act fast; together, if there’s to be any hope at all.

  Beorn has a weight on his back. That is odd. It’s his first coherent thought in a long time; it’s odd that his bear side is carrying something; bears do not usually carry things on their backs, except sometimes their cubs. When the scent hits him, he thinks it is no more than a memory; it is Ullrae’s scent, mixed with something indescribably delicious that makes his blood thrum wit recognition, but overlaid with a discordant sweet smell of approaching death. He shudders in revulsion. The thing on his back makes a sound, halfway between a moan and a whimper. Beorn freezes, staring into the stream he has reached as full consciousness slams back into him, two sides re-joining to form a whole, staring into the reflection in the water.

The face is achingly familiar beneath the dirt and the bloody trail of a split eyebrow that has already grown back together.

“Ullrae…” he whispers, changing back to his human shape before he is even aware of making the choice, laying her down on her back and looking at her battered form. Beorn whines low in his throat, pulling her up against his chest, frowning at the coolness of her skin. Cupping his hands in the clear stream, he brings them to her lips, whimpering when the water simply trickles into her mouth and back out, trailing down her chin. Kneeling on the ground, he shifts her, turning her back against his chest and hissing as her cold skin touches his warmth. In desperation, he pulls her up higher, lifting her into his lap and off the damp leaves, tilting her head back onto his shoulder and tries again, rubbing her throat to make her swallow reflexively. “Ullrae, please,” he whispers brokenly, hardly daring to believe this isn’t simply an exceedingly vivid dream soon-to-become the kind of nightmare where he can’t save her, having to watch her die in his arms. “Please, my love, you have to drink.” He needs to hunt something for her, but he doesn’t dare leave her alone; she’s too cold. If she was a lynx, he might trust to her fur to keep her warm, but he doesn’t know how to make her change shapes unconsciously; an oversight after twenty years of cohabitation. In desperation, he tries stroking the pressure points that would encourage his own shift, but nothing happens. Either it doesn’t work on her kind or she’s simply too weak.

Cupping his hands once more, he manages to get her to swallow another mouthful of water. She whimpers, huddling into his warmth. “Can you shift for me, wild thing?” he murmurs, but she doesn’t respond. Burying his face in her neck, drawing in her scent, Beorn’s tears fall onto her bruised flesh, streaking trails in the dirt that covers her. He would wash her, but the stream is icy, and she is already too cold, too pale, too still.

She needs food, but she needs to be warm before he can leave her… Beorn has an idea; it’s crazy, but it just might work. He doesn’t stop to think about it, using his teeth to score his wrist lengthwise, pressing the bloody wound against her lips. A moment passes, his other arm wraps around her, his fingers stroking her throat, trying to coax her to swallow his blood. Ullrae swallows once. Her tongue moves lightly over his skin, pleasingly rough as she laps up his blood weakly. This isn’t how mates are supposed to care for each other, he knows, but still feels a wild part of him sing with a combination of male pride and lust that he is caring for his mate, caring for her needs, giving her sustenance with – after a fashion – his own hands. Beorn smiles wryly. Ullrae swallows compulsively, sucking lightly. A distant part of him feels relieved she isn’t so far gone she would try to bite off his hand, or tear open his veins further. She only needs enough to spark her own survival instincts, get her body back on track.

“Be…orn…?” she whispers faintly, her head falling back against his shoulder once more. She is trembling.

“Hush now, wild thing,” he murmurs against her temple, bringing his wrist back to her mouth, watching his blood dribble between her chapped lips, watches her swallow the potent red fluid. He knows when she falls asleep, true sleep; the kind of nap she always needed after her heats – Beorn knows what has happened; what is only just finished happening. He can smell it on her skin, feel the answering stirring in his own loins, in his own blood. As much as he hurt her by staying away when she was in heat, he always spent those three days in a haze of lust himself, the smell of her more than potent enough to make him empty into his own fist, even when she was safely locked in the barn, far away from him and his base urges. He does not think he ever told her that he spent those three days locked up in the house himself, fighting the need to go to her, listening to her cries as penance.

As he licks the last drops of blood from his wrist, watching the small cut clot, his lust is overridden by his concern for her, his need to care for her; it’s a deep imperative, even if he rationally knows that she is not carrying a cub – his or anyone else’s. Shifting into his bear-form, he rumbles happily when she snuggles against him, wrapping his strong limbs around her to keep her warm. The bear watches her sleep, his eyes roving over her features again and again as he lets the sound of her breathing fill his ears.

  It is hours later when she stirs, his blood crusted in the corner of her mouth as she stares blearily up at him, confusion in her golden eyes. She blinks.

“Be…orn?” she asks again, lifting her hand weakly to stroke his face, wincing slightly. Beorn feels a little guilty, remembering the way he sprained her wrist when the bear picked her up. He huffs, licking her cheek in apology as he rolls them, getting to his feet. When she makes to move, he growls at her to be still, knowing she can’t understand the words, but she will recognise the command. Ullrae crumbles back to the ground, making him wish he hadn’t left his clothes at what he had thought was her grave. Feeling a moment of complete panic at the memory of the freshly turned earth, he lopes back to her, licking her face again. Ullrae smiles weakly. The smell of death no longer lingers on her skin; she smells of him, now, smells like she is his. Satisfied, he gives her another lick before moving off among the trees, his nose scenting the air. She needs meat, and plenty of it.

 You fall asleep once more, curled up in a small ball to keep the warmth Beorn has given you, your mind far too tired to make sense of hows or whys, checking out with the swift and silent steps of a lynx on the prowl.

You wake at the sound of a thump, something hitting the leaf mulch in front of your face with enough force to waft a leaf onto your nose. You sneeze, opening your eyes to see the carcass of a freshly killed deer in front of you, the meat still steaming.

You pounce.

It’s bloody and messy; you’re tearing strips of meat off the bones with your fingers and it’s glorious. When the first bites hit your stomach, you growl at the bear who has wisely retreated to the other side of the clearing, watching you eat with a smug satisfied air. Growling, you change skins, your sharper teeth and claws making greater inroads in the kill until you’ve gorged yourself on all the best pieces, filled the emptiness of your belly. Looking up, you catch sight of Beorn, truly registering his presence for the first time. You stare. His muzzle is bloody, something you know he dislikes, and you don’t even think before loping towards him, cleaning him with your tongue before you set to cleaning yourself, yawning widely. Beorn huffs at you; an amused sound, passing closely by you as he moves to the leftovers, eating what he wants and dragging the bare bones off into the underbrush to bury somewhere. You turn to the fresh stream, lapping greedily. Feeling pleasantly full, you change back, washing the parts of your human skin that are not raw and tender to the touch. You hiss loudly when you try to sit in the stream, the chilly water running red as you clean off the blood you have spilled over the past three days. You know you have scratched yourself bloody, feel the throbbing ache in your most abused flesh, but the coolness of the water numbs the pain a little.

“Ullrae,” Beorn whispers, making you look up at him. He reaches for you, seeming unsure all of a sudden and making you feel unaccustomedly shy about being naked. Looking down, you feel tears pressing, weeping for Athelstan and a little for yourself. Beorn’s arms wrap around you, pulling you from the icy stream and carefully wiping off the water with mullein leaves as he cradles you on his lap. “Spirits help me, Ullrae,” he whispers, and you can feel him tremble against you. At first you think he is chilled by the water, but the broken sound of pain he utters when you try to shift off him, combined with the way his arms tighten around you, convince you to stay were you are. You’re pressed against his chest, feeling safe and cared for as his face hides in your hair, his shoulders shaking with hard sobs; filled with a desperation you wish you could heal. You hide your own tears against his warm skin, bury your nose against the side of his neck, the soft and bristly hair on his furry jaw warming your face. A strange contentment fills you, dozing off as you let his familiar scent comfort you.

“Beorn?” you ask him, when your tears have stilled. His face is still buried in your hair, but he is no longer sobbing. His fingers press into your thigh.

“I thought you were dead,” he admits, crushing you tightly against him with a whimper. You reach out to stroke his arm, snuggling into his embrace. “I found your farm, and… and the Man told me you were dead, showed me your grave.” You stiffen, a snarl escaping you. Ordred! “And then I found you… Ullrae…” he can’t seem to say it, though you know what he means: you nearly died.

“I am here,” you whisper, your voice still hoarse from screaming. Beorn makes a wounded noise deep in his throat, his arms tightening around you. Turning forcefully, making him loosen his grip, you move to straddle him, keeping your weight on your knees. Pressing his head against your breast, you place your hand over his other ear so all he will hear is your heartbeat; strong and steady. Beorn’s arms are tight around your back, and you feel tears sliding down your skin, sliding down your own face too. You curl yourself around him, offering comfort the best you can.

“Don’t ever leave me,” he mutters, pressing his lips into the skin above your heart. “Never leave me,” he begs brokenly. It tears your heart apart to hear him sound like that, so far from his usual quiet rumble; his deep voice contorted with pain.

“What… what are you saying, Beorn?” you whisper, pulling on his long mane to get him to look up at your face. Your heart beats wildly, hope taking wing in a flutter of pure love as you stare down into his eyes; the colour of uisge and dark with emotion you don’t dare name. You want to kiss him, kiss away the pain he feels, licking your dry lips as you watch emotion swirl in the amber depths.

“I don’t want to live without you,” he says, stroking your cheek. You close your eyes, leaning into his touch with a soft purr, “I love you, my wild thing, I have always loved you; even when I was too stubborn to see it.” You want to believe him; you do… but you can’t. Your eyes snap open as you draw back, pull away from his large palm.

“What about Berveig?” you whisper, because you know the spectre that stands between you must be acknowledged, but hating that you’ve put sorrow into his gaze for even a moment as you watch the shadow pass across his eyes. “What about your son?” You can see him again, a small ball of dark brown fur looking up at you with blue eyes; you wonder suddenly if your own cub would look like that, if Beorn sired him. You stiffen, pushing the image out of your mind, not wanting to remember the small corpse Azog flung at you when he had had his fun.

“Berveig… I did love her,” he admits, his grip tightening around you when you try to move away. “And I am sad for her fate, the fate of our son… but she never stirred me to half the feeling the thought of losing you has done,” he whispers, pulling you back to him. You can hear the truth, the broken jagged edges of pain bleeding into his voice.

“Why did you never come looking for me?” you ask, leaving his confession hanging in the air between you. If he feels this way… why did he let you go? “It’s been more than nine summers since I last saw you,” you murmur sadly.

“Nine?” he asks, looking surprised. You frown, nodding; it’s been nearly ten, in fact. Beorn chuckles, getting to his feet slowly, keeping hold of you as he helps you find your own feet. “I was stubborn.” You smile; Beorn certainly is that. Your hands rest lightly on his chest, as you look up at him and wait for something to happen, break the tension thrumming between you. You open your mouth to speak, but Beorn continues quietly, “I spent a long time as a bear; enough time that I nearly forgot how to be a man. I was… lost.” You stare at him, abruptly frightened of what might have happened; once a Walker forgets how to Walk, they become the animal, in truth; it is the way of elders seeking death, seeking a natural end to a long life. Your fingers grip him tightly, a cry of fear spilling from your lips; you had not thought he would feel so, not after reading your letter. Beorn hushes you gently, his warm hand running down your back as you press your face into his chest. “My life was nothing but killing orcs and missing you. It is not the life I want,” he whispers, making you look up at him, hopeful but still a little scared. Dipping his head slightly, Beorn brushes a kiss across your nose. You wrinkle it in response, wanting more than that, wanting reassurance. Turning your face back to press into his warm skin, you breathe in the smell of him. “I want you, I want your love, if you’ll give it to me,” you mewl lightly, tilting your head up. Beorn chuckles, rubbing his nose against yours, “One day, I want your cubs, if we can, but if we cannot, I would still rather live my life with you than alone.” You tighten your hold at that, seeing again a small black-and-brown bear cub before your eyes. You’ve never dared hope he would want to… but now you do, and the feeling is nearly overwhelming.

“Are you sure?” you ask, when he presses his lips against yours in the softest of kisses.

“I love you, Ullrae Léonasdottir,” he murmurs, deepening the kiss. “Mate with me, make me yours as much as you are mine.” His hands press you closer, let you feel him press against you, even if he is careful not to use too much force on your still-tender skin. The bruises will take days to heal, even if shifting will help you mend quicker. You’re hungry again, though not only for food.

“My Beorn…!” you growl possessively, winding your fingers through his hair and pulling him back to your mouth, “I love you…mate.” With a joyously wild cry, he steals another kiss from your lips, grinning happily as his hands stroking your skin, relighting a few embers of desire despite your exhaustion. Attacking him with a frenzy of kisses, you still wince when your abused flesh rubs against his hard body. Beorn slows down, stroking lightly across your skin, careful with your bruises. You growl at his self-control, even though part of you knows that you are too weak still for more than a few kisses.

“Come home, ferhþlufe[1],” he murmurs against your lips.

“Have to return,” you reply, knowing you won’t be able to enjoy the new life you see before you if you do not let go of the one you have shared with Athelstan. “Have to say goodbye.” Beorn frowns unhappily, but he nods slowly.

“I’m coming with you,” he growls, shifting once more. You smile. Noting a few new scars in the fur on his face you had not spotted earlier, you trace one with your lips. The bear yips, an amused sound you’ve missed more than you realised. Kissing him once more, you take a step back, suddenly swaying with fatigue; unsure if you’ve yet regained the strength to shift, to move even. Before you, the massive black bear stands, huffing gently at you once, before moving to you and lying down on the leaves beside you.

“I may have overdone it a little, héahlufan[2],” you admit cheekily, and the bear huffs the equivalent of a laugh at the memory of your first hunt. You smile, running your fingers through his shaggy fur. Beorn nudges you lightly, nosing at your side. With a groan and a hiss of soreness, you climb onto his back, surrendering to his strength once more. This is your place, with your bear to keep you safe from the darkness without… and within.

Burying your face against his neck, you breathe deeply, enjoying the smell that is at once wild and home. You can feel the smugness radiating off him as he sets off at a smooth ground-eating pace. You try to stay awake, but you drift off to sleep as the large bear carries you away, moving easily through the forest while you rest.

  [1] Heartfelt love

[2] Great love

@life-is-righteous

[roboticspacecase]

All of 'em :D

Oh shit alright, prepare to learn WAY too much about me :p HERE WE GOOOOOooooo!

0: Height - 5′ 2″, short af1: Age - 22 slutty, slutty years and getting bigger every day2: Shoe size - Like, 7 - 7 ½? Depends on brand and stuff. I can wear kid’s shoes, though :p3: Do you smoke? - Socially4: Do you drink? - Also socially5: Do you take drugs? -  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 6: Age you get mistaken for - Well, LOOKS-wise I get told I look like a teenager, but when people talk to me they think I’m like 25+7: Have tattoos? - Nope8: Want any tattoos? - So many omg9: Got any piercings? - Lip, both ears are double pierced on the lobe, double helix in my right ear, and a belly ring.10: Want any piercings? - A few more, yeah11: Best friend? - It’s totes @ciphertext-x 12: Relationship status - Single and deeply confused :D13: Biggest turn ons - Intelligence, and biting. Talk dirty to me and leave marks, baby ;D14: Biggest turn offs - Being rude, bad hygiene15: Favorite movie - MEGAMIND16: I’ll love you if… - You let me be myself around you without judging me17: Someone you miss - My sister. She moved to Colorado and I miss her a lot.18: Most traumatic experience - Tbh I’m not really comfortable saying, but all I WILL say is that I had a really shitty childhood, my mom was neglectful af and my dad was at work too much to know what was going on.19: A fact about your personality - I’m nice af to people and idk why because in my head I’m just mean and salty all the time.20: What I hate most about myself - I let the negative thoughts win too much.21: What I love most about myself - When I do manage to do things, they’re awesome and I’m always pretty proud of them.22: What I want to be when I get older - An author :p23: My relationship with my sibling(s) - Mostly pretty good, but we don’t talk much anymore :/24: My relationship with my parent(s) - My dad is pretty cool. Fucking crazy, but cool. My mom though, she’s abusive and shitty so I tend to not wanna be around her as much as possible.25: My idea of a perfect date - Something either super chill or super crazy. I love adventure but I’ll also hella take a night in with snacks and a show/movie.26: My biggest pet peeves - People being mean??? Like, my inner bitch is STRONG, but you really don’t gain anything from being an asshole, so why????27: A description of the girl/boy I like - They cute. That’s all you’re getting :p28: A description of the person I dislike the most - Loud, annoying, stupid.29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend - To make myself seem less nosy tbh30: What I hate the most about work/school - My bosses, always. They’re real fucks for no reason.31: What my last text message says - “He’s inside” to my mom because she thought her cat that meows a lot was stuck outside. Quite ominous and weird without context xD32: What words upset me the most - “You didn’t even try” because trust me, bud, I’m ALWAYS trying for something.33: What words make me feel the best about myself - “I love your writing”, “Your writing made me feel better”, stuff like that.34: What I find attractive in women - Physically? Softness, long hair, ability to kick someone’s ass :p35: What I find attractive in men - Tallness, nice smile, ability to be cuddled.36: Where I would like to live - Somewhere that I can feel safe and where the weather isn’t all over the place all year.37: One of my insecurities - My body sucks.38: My childhood career choice - Used to wanna be an archaeologist real bad :p39: My favorite ice cream flavor - Death by Chocolate ;D40: Who I wish I could be - Someone who isn’t so afraid and has their shit together at least a little bit.41: Where I want to be right now - In bed.42: The last thing I ate - Don’t be grossed out, but hot lime Cheetos dipped in nacho cheese :p43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately - Dan Avidan44: A random fact about anything - I’m scared of those blow-up bounce houses and waterslides because of recurring nightmares I had as a kid about them. Same with alligators and crocodiles  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[lestifuckingforget]

Why I Moved Out Last Time

Unfortunately, I wasn’t smart enough to stay out. More on that in a later post. This archive is from an old chat with a very close online friend. TRIGGER WARNING: Just look at the tags, my dude. Abuse, violence, assault, etc. ---- LestIForget03/13/2019 So my brother just knocked me onto the floor and tried to strangle me... that was nice. I'm leaving on the 26th. [Fiance at the time] made the decision.

Best Friend03/13/2019 Give me perspective on that first part please.  Normal brotherly assholery, or assault?

LestIForget03/13/2019 Assault

Best Friend03/13/2019 what the fuck

LestIForget03/13/2019 That what I kept thinking. Well, after he finally let go of me.Hard to think when your airways are getting squeezed. And Mom knows, she just flat out denied it even happened to my face.

Best Friend03/13/2019 age? motivation? police?

LestIForget03/13/2019 Joel is 20. Motivation is a bit complicated. I'll get to that in a sec. I didn't call the police because the cops know him better than they do me, and Mom made it clear she was going to deny it if I did call them. So I didn't want to waste the officers' time. Anyway, motivation. Bit of a complex story, but I want to be fair and give you the full picture. Lemme save what I'm working on first.

Best Friend03/13/2019 okay. do you need my help?

LestIForget03/13/2019 I'm alright. Okay, so. Basically, I had trouble sleeping last night, so I woke up late. Samara wanted me to get up and get dressed, and told me I had to do it in ten minutes. She wanted Joel and I to go with her and mom to sign her will before she left for Japan. Mom couldn't sign because she was the notary or something, IDK what it's called, so [Family Friend] was going to meet us to be Witness Three. I thought he would be meeting us at wherever we were going. Now remember, I have pollen issues. So I got dressed and got out there, couldn't wear my mask because we were going out in public, and I was having trouble breathing. I hoped if I could dash to the car and get inside, I would at least have the sanctuary of the car and then, once we got to the wherever, I could be inside an air conditioned building. But no -- Mom hadn't even started the car, she was sitting in the driver's seat with the windows open, and when I opened the back door to get in, there was a folding chair in the way. Joel and Samara were chatting outside the car. I was confused by the chair and, in my panic, I muttered, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Mom took offense and told me I was "unwelcome" if I was going to curse. I apologized and switched to "heck". I got inside. Then I asked why we were waiting, and Mom said we were waiting for [Family Friend] to meet us here. So I said, "Let me know when number three gets here then," and went back inside.  [TBCd, not done typing.]

Best Friend03/13/2019 (k)

LestIForget03/13/2019 So a few minutes after that, I hear Joel and Mom come storming in. From what I can hear from my room, Joel dropped a bunch of f-bombs and Mom got triggered again, telling him he wasn't allowed in the car with that sort of language. So he called her bluff, got out of the car, and went inside. Samara of course started panicking, because she needed her will signed. Joel was shouting and Mom was shouting, and eventually Joel went off somewhere. I came out, hoping to reassure Samara and Mom that I was, in fact, still interested, I just needed shelter, and I wanted to ask if they needed a new third witness now. I walk out and Mom immediately turns on me. I say, "I just wanted to know..." and explain my mission, and Mom says something about how dare I pretend I care when I cursed up a storm. I'm confused and try to remind her that I only said the word once and immediately switched to "heck" when she called me on it. Mom won't listen and keeps interrupting me, dragging up any excuse to call me a bad person (even things that happened weeks or years ago completely out of context), telling me I'm not allowed to drink her coffee (translation: any coffee under her roof) because of my behavior. Then Joel comes back in -- perfect fucking timing -- and starts apologizing to Mom. IDK if he meant it. TBH I doubt he did, considering what happened next. He immediately starts yelling at me because Mom is yelling at me. He starts saying shit like -- IDK if you know anything about Stephen Crowder, but basically, the insipid shit that guy says to get a rise out of people he disagrees with. The "I'm sorry your mother didn't love you enough" type of shit. Really stupid, and honestly, it irked me. So I told Joel to calm down and chill. [TBCd]

Best Friend03/13/2019 ...k

LestIForget03/13/2019 So Joel instead starts getting right up in my face, intimidation-tactic style, and yells something like, "Go back to your pit -- okay, your pit -- and leave us normal people alone." I'm still confused, but I'm starting to leave the kitchen. Joel continues to follow after me. Mom's yelling. Joel's yelling -- and cursing. And Mom's letting him. So I'm further upset. He won't back off, and I'm trying to end the conversation. He won't leave me alone. So once we get to the kitchen doorway, I give him one final, "Joe, I don't care what you're on about, you need to back the fuck off and get out of this." He yells at me again, something to the effect of "No, if you want to be a man, act like a real one," etc. So I lift my foot to push him away. He then shoves me into the hall. I'm like, "Okay, this is escalating, I'm walking away. That was stupid of me." Joel starts yelling at me like, "You want to fight? You want to kick me? You're gonna kick me?" and swatting at me, so I just keep moving. Finally, I get in front of my bedroom door, and I try to push him away, I tell him to stop and back the fuck off. He then goes right for my throat. I can't defend myself in time because 1] I'm not a violent person and 2] I have a splattermask on, so my FOV is shit. I go down on the ground, and Joel is still yelling, "You want to kick me? You want to kick me?" Then Mom comes in from the kitchen. Joel eventually lets go. I ask, "Did you not just see that? He tried to actually strangle me!" and my mom says, "Oh, please. He didn't try to strangle you." Joel says, "Oh no, I was trying to do that." and Mom just brushes it off. I finally just go to my room and stay there. So my oldest sister Jean ended up being the third witness. Finis.

Best Friend03/13/2019 remind me why you're not on a bus to Kansas right now

LestIForget03/13/2019 Oh, and he called me a motherfucker right before I pushed him with my foot. Hence why I doubt he was actually sorry for cursing. Because I want to be able to pay rent first.

LestIForget03/13/2019 However, it's out of my hands now. I told [Fiance at the time] what happened, and she bought me a ticket for 2AM on the 26th. And she wouldn't let me argue her down. So that's that. Joel is still welcome and loved in the house, I heard him joking around and making Samara laugh when they got back from the notary, and nobody's even knocked on my door to see if I'm okay.

Best Friend03/13/2019 I have a lot of sour and jaded opinions about family. your family does not change my opinions.

LestIForget03/13/2019 I'm just shocked and disgusted that my brother would actually go that fucking far with violence. I'm not even exaggerating, it was not a pet strangle or a play strangle.

Best Friend03/13/2019 I wish there was something I could do, or I hope that I've already done enough to help your escape I believe you. it's horrid.

LestIForget03/13/2019 It's fucking disgusting.

Best Friend03/13/2019 I don't know how you will readily forgive this. or why you would, other than principle okay.  less than 2 weeks.  this gives me relief.

LestIForget03/13/2019 And the fact that they still are okay with him but call me an abuser, accuse me of threatening them and being violent, etc. when I didn't even try to physically fight back while he had me on the goddamn ground, is just fucking putrid. I have never, ever wanted to cause harm to a family member. Not even when Dad or Mom would actually physically attack me. I was always defend-or-run-or-ride-it-out. But no, I'm the one who makes people feel threatened somehow.

Best Friend03/13/2019 you should not change that doctrine.  Violence is violence, and this is assault and abuse.

LestIForget03/13/2019 Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Joel is fucking incompetent.

Best Friend03/13/2019 get out of there. and never look back.

LestIForget03/13/2019 Believe me, now that I've seen that the violence isn't over, that it's not just emotional manipulation? I'm getting the fuck out.

Best Friend03/13/2019 yup.  it is abuse on all fronts.

LestIForget03/13/2019 I was only willing to withstand the emotional shit. That stuff I can scrub off. I can't scrub off the physical shit.

Best Friend03/13/2019 you've been physically assaulted, emotionally abused, stolen from, lied to, and invalidated. they are losing you.  I hope they learn to regret it.

LestIForget03/13/2019 TBH They'll probably just circle jerk and agree it's all my fault and that I'm just the crazy one in the family. But so fucking be it. John and Dad are the only ones I'll ever give the time of day. Dad because he has become a better person and realized the importance of love and support, even if he doesn't accept something; and John because he's the youngest and high-functioning, and he more than anyone else needs someone to be there who can understand him.

Best Friend03/13/2019 I'll believe he loves you correctly if he supports your flying out of the nest and into your actual real life

LestIForget03/13/2019 I haven't told him. He won't argue with me, though. And he's one of the few people who might give me a ride to the bus station when he finds out I'm leaving. Dad, I mean.

Best Friend03/13/2019 right for the record, I'm fucking done with your family. nothing i've ever heard endears them to me

LestIForget03/13/2019 -hugs-

Best Friend03/13/2019 I already have a dim view of families -squish- you have always deserved better than this

LestIForget03/13/2019 I hope you're right. That I deserve better, anyway. I'm going to try to make something of myself in Wichita so that I don't have to go back.

Best Friend03/13/2019 if I'm wrong, then I'm happy to have whatever learning disability that prevents me from knowing the more correct answer

LestIForget03/13/2019 I'll sleep on a park bench or behind a Denny's before I come back here. Lol

Best Friend03/13/2019 heck fren I've seen people sleep inside the Denny's

LestIForget03/13/2019 LOL That's how determined I am. I'll even sleep outside the damn Denny's.

Best Friend03/13/2019 at this point I think you'd be welcome in a domestic shelter. this wasn't just violence.  this was a death threat. there's ways to be violent that do not directly attack life support systems.

LestIForget03/13/2019 Fair. Although I think he would have let go once I passed out.

Best Friend03/13/2019 the message sent by "throat" is something much darker than --

LestIForget03/13/2019 .... if he could tell actually.

Best Friend03/13/2019 jesus christ [LestIForget]

LestIForget03/13/2019 Because I was wearing my mask So he couldn't have seen my eyes close. But heyyyyyyyyy he just got his EMT certificate so

Best Friend03/13/2019 choking can cause brain damage

LestIForget03/13/2019 Maybe he could have resuscitated me LMFAO

Best Friend03/13/2019 I know you're being facetious to cope and shit maybe I'm just not ready to laugh about this

LestIForget03/13/2019 Fair I'm sorry. I'm still pretty shook about it myself, I'm just kinda past the "wtf" stage and more into the "lol this world is shit isn't it" stage.

Best Friend03/13/2019 I recognize that.  Please don't feel like you owe me an apology.

LestIForget03/13/2019 -hugs- I should make coffee tbh Or tea, maybe Something to help calm me down

Best Friend03/13/2019 if you're allowed to have coffee

LestIForget03/13/2019 Thing is, I don't even want to like burn the house down when I leave or anything. They can crash and burn in their own time. I just want out. And the more time I have to sort of breathe and recenter and get over the shock, I'm just like, "The more things change, the more they stay the same," and I figure they're just as right for this world as I am. Oh, I'll find a way.

Best Friend03/13/2019 *shakes head*

LestIForget03/13/2019 Addicts always find a way lol

Best Friend03/13/2019 I agree.  you just want dignity. and leaving in an undignified way betrays a core principle.

LestIForget03/13/2019 Yeah. Would be nice if I could get all my things and just poof. As it is, I'll have to leave a lot of my possessions here in boxes. Might see if my oath-brother is willing to keep them. I don't trust my family to actually leave them alone.

Best Friend03/13/2019 your distrust is well-founded

LestIForget03/13/2019 And tbh, in this area, shelters are already crowded. And wifi isn't guaranteed. I need to be able to work on my art so I don't vanish from DA and FA.

Best Friend03/13/2019 that's fair.  please convince me you're safe for the night, though else I will pay for a hotel/motel room for you.

LestIForget03/13/2019 I'm fairly safe in my room, and I can get food or drinks at night once everyone else is asleep. During the day, a lot of people are either at work or school, so I have a decent space of morning to sneak about. Joel frequents the kitchen, but he does have to sleep at night, and I can hear where everyone is while I'm in my room, because it's smack-dab in the middle of the house. So I'll know when he leaves the kitchen, and I've been sneaking around the house since I was about seven.

Best Friend03/13/2019 this is very faint convincing.

LestIForget03/13/2019 So don't worry. I know how to avoid everyone and still live semi-comfortably.

Best Friend03/13/2019 And I choose to worry, and will remain worried for 13 days.

LestIForget03/13/2019 And if all else fails, I can call up somebody on the phone or on Discord and have somebody witnessing. I put them on speaker, and nobody moves a fucking muscle unless they're very, very stupid.

[surveysonfleek]

240.

1. Do you put anything besides cheese on grilled cheese sandwiches? ham and tomato. yum.

2. Are there times when you think your reflection looks amazing, but you take a picture and it looks like crap? all the damn time.

3. Would you rather sit in a recliner or a rocking chair? recliner.

4. Do you take advantage of calendars being on sale during the end of January, or do you just buy them for their regular price when they first come out? i never buy calendars. for diaries i like buying them for regular price coz i get too excited in filling out the new year.

5. Would you ever be interested in going scuba-diving? yeah but i think i’d be too paranoid to do it. i’m not the best swimmer diving-wise.

6. Have you ever absent-mindedly (or even intentionally) pulled apart the aglets (plastic at the end) on your shoelaces/hoodie and ruined the lace? hmmm pretty sure i did that as a kid.

7. Do you ever use natural lighting to light your house (aka open the blinds) rather than use a lamp? yeah during the day, obvs.

8. What is a hobby/activity that you find relaxing? Is this something you often get the chance to do? colouring.

9. Do you think cable/satellite is worth paying for when things like Netflix and Hulu exist? no. definitely not anymore.

10. Do you think greetings cards are a waste of money? yes. i grew up making my own damn greeting cards. more sentimental lol.

11. Is this the best year of your life? not the best, not the worst.

12. Is anything bothering you? nope.

13. Would you like things to “go back to normal” with a certain someone? nope.

14. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? reading a summary on got.

15. Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else? haha who hasn’t?

16. Are you dating the last person you kissed on the lips? yes.

17. Three days from now will you be in a relationship? yes.

18. Have you kissed anyone in the last month? yes.

19. Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? i’m fine with it.

20. Would you ever kiss anyone you texted today? yes, my boyfriend.

21. Do you have any bruises on you? nope.

22. How was 2011 for you? ummm. i actually don’t even remember 2011 that much. i went to philippines at the end of the year though, that was cool.

23. Have you ever been told that you are amazing? yes.

24. Finish this sentence: “The last person I kissed is …” dwayne.

25. Waiting for something? to fall asleep.

26. Was last night terrible? nah.

27. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? i can’t wait until work is over tbh.

28. You think anyone’s thinking about you right now? nope.

29. Is the last person you texted single? no.

30. Someone knocks on your window at 5AM; what do you say? how’d you get up here?

31. Would you change yourself for the person you love? only if it would make me a better person in the long run.

32. Did your last kiss take place on a bed? no.

33. Do you talk in your sleep? no.

34. Are you currently looking forward to anything? yupppp.

35. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? in the middle.

36. Where is the person who has your heart at the moment? at home.

37. Would you rather have roommates or live alone? either my sister, boyfriend or alone lol.

38. Will you be in a relationship next month? yes.

39. What have you done today? nothing. i was sick so i bought meds, slept allllll day, had sushi for dinner and now i’m chilling.

40. Do you trust people easily? no.

41. How many true friends do you have? under ten definitely.

42. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing? yes.

43. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? yes.

44. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? yes.

45. Is your room ever clean? haha sometimes.

46. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them? yes.

47. Will your next kiss be a mistake? no.

48. What’s a concern of yours right now? i just hope i’m not sick tomorrow.

49. Are you keeping a secret right now? nope.

50. What is you had a baby with the last person you texted? lol i’d keep it.

51. How many times is “A” in your full name? once.

52. Anything you’d like to say to someone? nope.

53. What size is the last bed you kissed on? a king single.

54. When was the last time you were sick? today :(

55. How many more days until your birthday? three and a bit months.

56. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? yup.

57. How many more years of high school do you have? i finished high school years ago.

58. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? alone. unless my bed was huge.

59. When will your next kiss be? thursday.

60. Who was the first male you talked to today? my boyfriend.

61. How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? depends how tired i am. maybe 30 mins.

62. Is there a night you would like to repeat and allow it to live on forever? hmm nope hhaa.

63. Did you ever build furniture forts as a child? yessss.

64. Would you consider yourself to be mature? yep.

65. Do you require a lot of private time? not a lot. but i need it sometimes.

66. Have you ever attempted to make anything crafty? yes.

67. What is your least favourite holiday? new years, my boyfriend and i always argue over where to have it.

68. What is your favourite book series, if you have one? harry potter for sure.

69. If the last person you kissed invited you to a family dinner, would you go? yes.

70. Has anyone ever told one of your secrets that they promised they wouldn’t tell? yup.

71. Do you think you could survive living by yourself for a month? i have.

72. Have you ever lent the last person you called money? nope.

72. How come you kissed the last person you kissed? it was a goodbye kiss.

73. Would you be able to live without the last person you fought with? yes.

74. Would you be able to tell me your mum’s favourite food? ummm. cake haha.

75. Has anyone seen you naked in the past forty-eight hours? yes.

76. Is there anything in your room your parents would be pissed about? not really.

77. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? no, thankfully.

78. Have you ever helped someone while they were drunk, puking? haha yes.

79. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet cat? honestly neither.

80. Are you welcome at the last person you kissed’s home? yes.

81. Did you have any unread texts when you woke up today? yes.

82. Does it annoy you when you can’t find the remote? yes.

83. Can you sleep easier with the TV on or off? off.

84. Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? yes.

85. Is the last person you kissed black? he’s mixed with black.

86. Would you sleep in the same bed with the last person you texted? yeah.

87. Do you think it’s disgusting for girls to drink alcohol and get drunk? haha no. why just girls?

88. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? yes.

89. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you tell everything to? yes.

90. Are you nice to everyone? generally. unless they give me a reason not to be.

91. Day been rough? just boring.

92. Will your next kiss be a mistake? no.

93. Your last kiss probably meant nothing, right? it did.

94. Would it be weird if the last person you kissed called you? no.

95. It’s two in the morning, and you get a text; who is it most likely from? my boyfriend.

96. Whose vehicle besides family were you in last? my boyfriend’s.

97. Will you sleep alone tonight? yes.

98. Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now? sleeping.

99. Do you think things will change in the next few months? hopefully.

100. Does anyone not like you at the moment? prob.

101. Has anyone put their arms around you today? yes.

102. Can you last in a relationship for six months? yes.

103. Has anything upset you in the last week? yes.

104. Anyone you’re giving up on? no.

105. Did you have a better day yesterday or today? today.

106. Does anyone call you babe or baby? yes, baby.

107. What do you bite more; tongue, lip, or cheek? lips.

108. Who did you have a meaningful conversation with last? my boyfriend.

109. Connection between you and the last person who texted you? boyfriend.

110. I bet you’re going to kiss someone tomorrow, right? no.

111. Last awkward moment? hmmm idk.

112. Are all guys players and cheaters? not all.

113. Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now? no.

114. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? yes.

115. When was the last time you received a hug? tonight.

116. Who were you with the last time you went to the mall? my dad and sis.

117. Have you ever been in trouble for something you didn’t do? yes.

118. Are you anything like you were at this point last year? sorta.

119. Who was the last person who said they loved you? my boyfriend.

120. Have you ever been called heartless? yes. i’m not though.

121. Would you rather go forward or back a week? forward.

122. Do you have a really big stuffed animal? yes.

123. What is your least favourite subject? maths.

124. What are you going to do after this? idk this survey started off strong but got boring as fuck. don’t think i can do another one right now.

[broke-ass-twat]

all of them . . .

Fuck you and fuck the anonymous asker and lets fucking get this shit started. Also do your goddamn work Izzy.

200: My crush’s name is: Hey Izzy. Because that was such a huge secret199: I was born in: October198: I am really: Bored197: My cellphone company is: AT & T (Are you gonna ask my mother’s maiden name and first pet name now?)196: My eye color is: Brown195: My shoe size is: 11?194: My ring size is: Decently large193: My height is: 6 foot tall god192: I am allergic to: Assholes. And cats and dogs and eggs and milk and eggplant191: My 1st car was: I had a first car?190: My 1st job was: I had a first job?189: Last book you read: The first 6 pages of Cat’s Cradle. Alternatively book 25 of Desolate Era (it’s a Chinese wuxia novel)188: My bed is: Comfortable?187: My pet: Don’t have one186: My best friend: I have several185: My favorite shampoo is: Head and shoulders184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: Chill182: In my pockets: 2 bic pens, typically my phone, wallet, asthma pump, chapstick, and keys181: On my calendar: I don’t really use calendars180: Marriage is: Something I’ll get to179: Spongebob can: Suck my dick (I don’t really get spongebob?)178: My mom: is caring but could use some chill177: The last three songs I bought were? I don’t honestly remember the last time I bought a song. Which is a lie but I don’t know what I bought176: Last YouTube video watched: Vaguely watched the youtube video for Girls by Mura Masa175: How many cousins do you have? Total of 3 I think174: Do you have any siblings? I have a twin sister173: Are your parents divorced? Yes172: Are you taller than your mom? Definitely171: Do you play an instrument? Nope170: What did you do yesterday? Die slowly

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Sort of yeah168: Luck: Sort of but not really167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Honestly not really and that accounts for at least 2 rather important problems I can think of165: Aliens: Sure164: Heaven: No163: Hell: No162: God: No161: Horoscopes: They’re fun and sometimes fool me but no160: Soul mates: Not really?159: Ghosts: Sometimes momentarily hen I se shit move in the dark out of the corner of my eyes158: Gay Marriage: Yah157: War: Depends but yah156: Orbs: ????155: Magic: I fucking wish

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Um. Fucking both. but kisses153: Drunk or High: Depends. Mostly drunk152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Read heads are hot150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes149: Hot or cold: Hot148: Summer or winter: Feeling winter atm (I know its odd)147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate when eh. Vanilla when stuff is quality145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Orange143: Curly or Straight hair: Um. Curly?142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds is my shit (cuz apple pie)141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate you fucking heathen140: Mac or PC: Mac (theyre prettier tho I know PCs can be better)139: Flip flops or high heals: I don’t really wear either. Both are fine.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I can be ugly, sweet, and rich. Tho I guess this means ugly person. Ugly and rich since I’d just do whatever the hell I want and be rich137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Cremate this mess134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing133: Coach or Chanel: My dude I know fuck all about either brand. Still would go with Chanel132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who the fuck?131: Small town or Big city: Big city130: Wal-Mart or Target: They’re both cool. target feels nicer tho129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate them both128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure127: East Coast or West Coast: This is actually hard. Um. Shit. Hm. Weast coast?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas. My birthday doesn’t tend to mean a whole lot to me (probably cuz I didn’t really have birthday parties as a kid)125: Chocolate or Flowers: I’ve never gotten flowers and that’d be chill but chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney probably.123: Yankees or Red Sox: Yankees you fucking heathen

[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Avoid it if possible121: George Bush: No very intelligent120: Gay Marriage: It’s fine119: The presidential election: Kill me118: Abortion: It’s your choice and fuck what other people have to say. Though it’s interesting to think about if one potential person wants the child and the other doesn’t. At which point I feel like whoever really wants it that bad should have sole care of it otherwise it’s unfair to both the child and one who didn’t want it. And if the dude wants the child then it’s still the woman’s choice I feel like? But this is rocky but would make a fun conversation tbh117: MySpace: Stop poking the dead thing with a stick116: Reality TV: Mostly really dumb with marginal entertainment115: Parents: Mine I guess are half really good but hard on me for good reason and the other half I seriously feel like I couldn’t care less about. In general Id hope for them to be caring, understanding, firm, and logical114: Back stabbers: Fuck em113: Ebay: Chill concept I’ve never used112: Facebook: Blackhole for my time111: Work: I hate doing it as it very rarely interests me110: My Neighbors: Chill109: Gas Prices: High I guess?108: Designer Clothes: Can be cool but mostly just why and dumb107: College: Fucking scam but also really cool adult babysitting106: Sports: theyre alright I suppose. Don’t really pay them any mind at all105: My family: I only pay attention to the ones I interact with even though there is a family member I really should talk to but don’t cuz I have a hard time caring although I really should104: The future: Scary

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Today sorta. If not today then sunday102: Last time you ate: Like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Thanksgiving100: Cried in front of someone: It’s been a while. Don’t remember99: Went to a movie theater: During spring break like 2 weeks ago98: Took a vacation: like 2 weeks ago97: Swam in a pool: been a while. Swam in the ocean like 2 weeks ago

96: Changed a diaper: I’ve never done that

95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: It’s been a few years. Would’ve liked to go to one this year but couldn’t for some pretty shit reasons93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: Um. Like Saturday90: Texted: like 30 minutes ago

[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Things that are funny. Also myself88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Parents paying for shit87: The last movie I saw: Get out86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Figuring out my shit85: The thing im not looking forward to: the future84: People call me: Kemi83: The most difficult thing to do is: Have self control and follow through on it82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never81: My zodiac sign is: Libra80: The first person i talked to today was: Today a girl named sara cuz I was up and around at 2am79: First time you had a crush: Like elementary school78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: There is no one I can’t hide things from77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: I have no idea. Probably within the last few days76: Right now I am talking to: Well right now I’m not talking to anyone75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Hopefully happy and relatively successful74: I have/will get a job: hopefully over the summer73: Tomorrow: Is another day72: Today: Is my current reality that I really should use a lot more wisely but tend not to71: Next Summer: It’d be nice to be a more productive person70: Next Weekend: Probably gonna be doing fuck all instead of doing work69: I have these pets: I don’t have pets68: The worst sound in the world: Nails on a  chalkboard, velcro ripping, people chewing with their fucking mouths open. I can’t choose one67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Um. Prolly my stepfather?66: People that make you happy: My friends occasionally family when they aren’t disappointed in me65: Last time I cried: I dunno64: My friends are: Chill63: My computer is: Cool but mostly a huge distraction I literally can’t live without cuz I need it for everything. And I also really like it.62: My School: Is meh. Some chill people61: My Car: Don’t have one60: I lose all respect for people who: I suppose cheat59: The movie I cried at was: I dunno58: Your hair color is: Black57: TV shows you watch: I dunno. A lot 56: Favorite web site: Youtube probably55: Your dream vacation: Europe54: The worst pain I was ever in was: I don’t remember feeling pain I thought was all that intense. Like shit has hurt a lot but not like holy fuck I’m screaming53: How do you like your steak cooked: Medium52: My room is: A little dirty atm51: My favorite celebrity is: Um. Gordon Ramsey I suppose? Don’t really have one50: Where would you like to be: In a very nice restaurant sipping very nice whiskey with a lot of money. Ive said this before.49: Do you want children: Maybe eventually. At least 2 but not more than 348: Ever been in love: yeah47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple46: More guy friends or girl friends: I definitely have more girl friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My girlfriend would be nice to just chill with tbh43: Do you have a 5 year plan: Don’t be a failure is sorta just it. realistically grad school.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I actually haven't 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope40: Last person I got mad at: Um. I dunno39: I would like to move to: Somewhere on the west coast38: I wish I was a professional: Chef

[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Twix is up there36: Vehicle: Teslas are pretty fucking cool35: President: Obama probably wasn’t the best but damn was he chill34: State visited: California never really disappoints me33: Cellphone provider: AT &T I guess? What the hell sort of question is this32: Athlete: Um. Don’t really have one. Ichiro Suzuki seems pretty chill. Curtis Grandson also seems chill. What can I say my stepdad likes the Yankees. Well so does my father31: Actor: Um. idk30: Actress: Idk29: Singer: Adele comes to mind cuz damn that voice. But I probably have others I like more and don’t remember28: Band: Mura Masa is high up there for producers. So is Flume, Ekali atm, Ta-ku, and Snago27: Clothing store: Don’t really have one. Uniqlo is pretty chill26: Grocery store: Fairways is chill25: TV show: Adventure time probably24: Movie: Don’t really have one tbh23: Website: I Don’t per se have a favorite. I like tumblr and Facebook 22: Animal: Deer are chill21: Theme park: Don’t have one. Which ever one has the wildest roller coasters20: Holiday: Um. Christmas19: Sport to watch: Baseball if I had to choose18: Sport to play: Ultimate frisbee17: Magazine: Cooks Illustrated is cool16: Book: Don’t really have one15: Day of the week: Friday or saturday14: Beach: Orange beach atm cuz it’s the nicest one i’ve been to13: Concert attended: Shitttttttt. Alina Baraz and Jauz are really high up there12: Thing to cook: I like making pasta cuz I do all sorts of shit to the sauce and I’m good at it. I also make pretty decent pork chops and shit. I dunno. 11: Food: Sushi probably. Also like steak and curry a lot.10: Restaurant: Um. Five guys? I don’t really have one.9: Radio station: Don’t really listen to radio8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t know any7: Perfume: same as above6: Flower: honeysuckle5: Color: Blue and green4: Talk show host: Don’t have one3: Comedian: Louis C.K. is great2: Dog breed: Cant choose1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Very

[handofvictory]

Does this for Y’gar because he’s precious

What is your character’s name? Does the character have a nickname?

Y’gar. For much of Cata/Mists/etc. he is known as “Son of the Seabeast” in full, because his father wanted to hammer in his mother’s legacy. He ditches it the moment he becomes Battlelord, at which point that is the title he adopts. He’ll later be taking his husband’s false surname of Anchorfist. Conveniently, it’s applicable to both a dwarf and an orc!

What is your character’s hair color? Eye color?

His hair is brown and his eyes are red; basically not at all differentiating from in-game colour-wise.

What kind of distinguishing facial features does your character have?

He has a few lip marks, which are common for orcs (likely scars from biting one’s upper lip. Tusks, man). His face is very soft and gentle for an orc, although he is still very expressive.

Does your character have a birthmark? Where is it? What about scars? How did he get them?

He’s as scarred as one would expect a typical orc to be, albeit he feels as though he should have more. He has no birthmarks to speak of, but he does have tattoos.

Who are your characters friends and family? Who does he surround himself with? Who are the people your character is closest to? Who does he wish he were closest to?

Of his guild, his particular close friends are Morana, Hallomanaha, and likely others but they don’t come to mind right now. He’s divorced himself from his birth family, having been overwhelmed by his father and the memory of his mother. He regrets it at times, but then he remembers something that helps him recognize “yeah no screw it”. One of the dearest people to his heart is, of course, his fiancé (to be husband once Legion officially ends).

Where was your character born? Where has he lived since then? Where does he call home?

He lives currently in Silvermoon with the rest of the guild. He spent most of his life in Durotar/Orgrimmar, and briefly spent some time in Dun Morogh during Mists and hung out in Booty Bay between Wrath and Cataclysm.

Where does your character go when he’s angry?

Onto the battlefield, where he can, like any orc, take his fury out on his enemies. If that’s not an option, he goes to the training room. It’s rare to get him particularly angry, though.

What is his biggest fear? Who has he told this to? Who would he never tell this to? Why?

Being alone. His other most major fear of losing Moroes boils down to this, as well. Even jailed and isolated isn’t so bad to him, not just because of his apparent self-destruction manifesting into confidence in such a situation, but because his jailer would count as company. But lost, in an unknown place with no way out, he would break down. He very much needs people.

Given that Moroes has the same fear, they’ve discussed this before. They’re very comforting to one another about it.

Does he have a secret?

Not as of Legion. He’s generally quite the open book, and doesn’t like hiding things from others.

What makes your character laugh out loud?

He has a light-hearted and innocent sense of humour, though occasionally a more lewd joke will get the better of him. He’s not boisterous about his laughing.

When has your character been in love? Had a broken heart?

Currently, he’s engaged to a dwarf and they consume me tbh. Y’gar’s dated before Moroes, but has never really been in love. Compulsory heterosexuality had him with a woman, at which point he quickly realized he wasn’t into that.

Then dig deeper by asking more unconventional questions:

What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On his bedroom floor? On his nightstand? In his garbage can?

im lazy

Look at your characters feet. Describe what you see there. Does he wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Is he in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or is he wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by his grandmother?

Armoured boots, as any warrior. There’s plenty of damage and signs of repairs from battle and post-battle, as Y’gar regularly takes the attention of the enemy as per being the tank.

When your character thinks of his childhood kitchen, what smell does he associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for him?

im lazy

Your character is doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for him to throw out? What is difficult for him to part with? Why?

im lazy

Its Saturday at noon. What is your character doing? Give details. If he’s eating breakfast, what exactly does he eat? If he’s stretching out in his backyard to sun, what kind of blanket or towel does he lie on?

im lazy

What is one strong memory that has stuck with your character from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

im lazy

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where is he going? What does he wear? Who will he be with?

im lazy and also need to go to bed i need to reobtain my g1 tomorrow

Character Questionnaire 2

This questionnaire was invented by the noted French author Marcel Proust. These questions are frequently used in interviews so you may want to pretend youre interviewing your characters.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

“I suppose becoming Battlelord is an impressive professional achievement... really, I don’t know why me over the countless others surely more talented than I am, but at the same time, I don’t want to complain.”

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

“Him and I, away from this faction war nonsense. Somewhere where my brothers and sisters of the guild are not burdened, either-- nor are those he cares for from his guild. But... that’s just pure idealism.”

What is your current state of mind?

“I’m alright, I guess. Argus is a discomforting place, with the Legion abound. Still, I’ve been in worse moods.”

What is your favorite occupation?

“I didn’t think I had the heart for battle, but I find I actually... like tanking for the guild. It’s a confidence-booster, at the very least, to stand against beasts and villains several thousand times my size and keeping their attention away from everyone else. I certainly feel helpful.”

What is your most treasured possession?

He smiles and touches his gauntletted left hand. “Until the wedding... ♥”

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

“By the ancestors-- if you get me started on how I adore Moroes Anchorfist, Battlelord and my sea and stars, I’ll finally have reason to never shut up.”

What is your favorite journey?

“Favourite? Um-- I... actually can’t decide. I just enjoy spending time with others, no matter what’s happening. ... I just know I don’t prefer anything that involves spiders.”

What is your most marked characteristic?

“Personality-wise? Um... I get a lot of comments about being shy, or sweet, or pathetic depending on who’s talking. Physically? Anyone who checks me out tends to stare at my abs.”

When and where were you the happiest?

“That moment will come soon. Very... very soon.” Smiles.

What is it that you most dislike?

Makes a face. “It’s a shallow answer, but... spiders. I’ll be happy if I never have to sink my axe into another one of those damn creepy bastards ever again.”

What is your greatest fear?

“I... losing my love is a major one, but... on a purely selfish level, I just... I don’t want to be alone.”

What is your greatest extravagance?

“Not really mine, but Odyn insists on officiating mine and Moroes’ wedding in the Halls of Valor with the Vrykul, as much of the guild as we want to invite... I would have been happy with just doing it in a private ceremony in Pandaria like we had planned before, but Moroes liked the idea, and, well... where he’s happy, I’m happy.”

Which living person do you most despise?

“Um, I guess Garrosh is out of the question since he’s dead now. I... don’t know. I have a hard time really hating people. Okay, Catahecas is an asshole and nobody likes him, but he... really could be worse? People really have to earn my ire, I guess, and... wow, that sounded presumptuous...”

What is your greatest regret?

Buries his face in his hands. “... Northrend...”

Which talent would you most like to have?

“Talent? Practically, I should ask Althrich for tips on cooking. I’m going to be married soon, and I know Moroes doesn’t know how to do it.”

Where would you like to live?

“I think I would like someplace with a winter’s chill, but not so cold as, say, Icecrown. Dun Morogh is actually rather nice, I find, but, er-- I know Moroes would rather avoid it... Perhaps Kun-Lai is close enough to that climate?”

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

“I... a lot of people have gone through much worse than I. Torture. The weight of the world. Deaths of others, their own deaths. Of them, I don’t know which would be the greatest of despair... I want to give you an answer to be polite, and so I don’t feel so ignorant, but at the same time...”

What is the quality you most like in a man?

“Well, I know what I like in my beloved. He’s clever, strong, inspirational, hard-working, caring, thoughtful, incredibly handsome-- I like blue eyes and a long beard...” Blushes suddenly. “I-I’m sorry, I’m going on too long.”

...Pause. “Aw, hell, it’s him, how can I not? ♥ As I was saying, handsome, witty, brave...”

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Blank-faced -- “When they’re not attracted to me.”

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

His face tells of a struggle not to say ‘everything’. “I... um... Just the worst one? I guess... My biggest weakness is how I waver before opposition. I mean, I’m-- I’m getting better, I think? That’s what everyone else is telling me, but...”

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

“I think... what I hate to see most in others is undeterred, uncaring cruelty. I hated Garrosh’s warmongering, Illidan irks me with his self-justifications... It’s not even sadism on their part. It’s that they are-- or were-- just so... impassive about it. As if the lives and pain of others just meant nothing.”

What do you most value in your friends?

“I admire their hard work and resilience, their marching onward despite everything. I know a lot of them have demons they battle regularly, worse than I could dream of, but still they continue. I aspire to be that way, as well.”

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

“I can’t think of a good tale. All the ones I know are true stories.”

Whose are your heroes in real life?

“Aside from people I know personally, I’ve long admired High Overlord Saurfang’s strong morals and sense of honor. I’m glad he now leads the people of Orgrimmar.”

Which living person do you most admire?

“Have I mentioned my future husband often enough yet? I have? No I haven’t. Let me talk about him some more--”

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

“I wish I could say warmongering wasn’t a virtue I could list for you, but then again, take one step into Orgrimmar and you’ll hear about thirty people boasting their latest kills.” Growls. “And they say Grom freed us from our bloodlust.”

On what occasions do you lie?

“I don’t like to lie... but I’ll do it to keep others safe.”

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I’ve had a lot of people tell me to stop apologizing for things... and then I apologize for apologizing. It doesn’t happen much anymore, thankfully.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Once again, ‘everything’ comes to mind. “I-I maybe answered this when you asked what I most hated about myself? But if not that, then I just want to be strong enough to be reliable. I feel like that encompasses everything...”

What are your favorite names?

“Besides my fiancé’s? Uh, I don’t know. I associate good things with my allies’ names. I don’t think about it besides that?”

How would you like to die?

Shifts uncomfortably. “Not anytime soon. Unlike most of my people, I... don’t want to die in battle. I’d rather pass peacefully.”

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Groans. “You realize that is reality for far too many, right? Some wear undeath well, I... don’t think I would. In fact, I think I’d be too weak to maintain my sentience in undeath. So I’d rather not.”

What is your motto?

“Don’t have one? I mean... I guess... the Horde battle cry, but everyone has that...”

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Back in time? Jimmy: he ain't even back yet Jimmy: I'm fucked off beyond belief Janis: 'Course he ain't Janis: 😑 Jimmy: good thing I am 'cause there weren't nowt for Cass to make for tea but don't worry dad Janis: What a prick Janis: so little satisfaction in sorting it and being the perfect son when he's not even gonna be sorry/care Jimmy: least I can win big brother points Janis: 👍 Janis: What really counts tbh Jimmy: I've sent her for chips and whatever else she can get her grubbies on so 🥇 Jimmy: what you doing? Janis: Nice one Janis: Not a whole lot, still chilling down in the barn 'cos know I'll have to chat to someone about some irrelevant shit if I go in Jimmy: it is decent in there but it's shit that you aren't here Jimmy: 'cause you could be & that's what pisses me off Janis: I know, wish I was Janis: could go for some chips right now, like Jimmy: get a lift? Jimmy: your massive family gotta have some uses Janis: 😏 Not totally about the chips, babe Janis: am hungry though Jimmy: I'll get you different food if it's a dealbreaker Jimmy: you know you wanna watch a 12 & 6 year old fight over the remote Jimmy: like they ain't been inside all day Janis: Bless 'em Janis: Better than having to watch a 15 & 16 year old though like, go in a different room you privileged fucks, you really need the 'big' TV #exposed #thankslads Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm gonna have to take 'em to the park or whatever tomorrow 'cause it's bollocks Jimmy: that's your invite Jimmy: help me milk my sickie Jimmy: fuck knows when I'll get a full day off again Janis: Sure, long as my lady love's got hers too, like Jimmy: she won't leave me alone so yeah Jimmy: must smell like you or summat Janis: 😍 Janis: least she weren't there to watch, she woulda defs gone for you #nohope Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: the audience you really want Janis: nah, get enough of that with the cats lurking like creepy fucks Jimmy: if you noticed them hanging 'bout then 💔 'cause I was clearly shit at keeping your attention Jimmy: gutted Janis: I didn't Janis: You know you weren't Jimmy: I know you weren't Janis: 😳 Jimmy: think of somewhere you wanna go tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: fun shit Jimmy: even if it ain't #goals Janis: I'll think on Janis: What kinda shit are the kiddos about? Jimmy: whinging Jimmy: nah but for real Cass is into all kinds of shit as long as it ain't the kind of shit your sister likes Jimmy: easy pickings for you there Janis: What about Malahide? they've got the castle and all that but if that ain't up to scratch, day at the beach Janis: even I wouldn't complain, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: that's actually a really decent idea Jimmy: I should have enough money for the train knocking 'bout Janis: If you like, I can cadge a life from one of my not-as-shit siblings, literally quadruple the time on the train, which is alright if we gotta but if we don't, result Jimmy: I wouldn't complain Jimmy: the dog'll be enough of a nightmare as is Janis: Poor baby Janis: she can sit on my lap Jimmy: if you sit on mine she ain't Jimmy: not her fault she's never been nowhere though Janis: firstly 😍 Janis: secondly, it don't matter if she's badly behave, my brother will take us in his hippie van so she can walk about more Janis: hopefully the kids don't get a contact high like soz but it'll chill 'em out so 🤷 Jimmy: least he won't be a brother I have to worry about fighting me then Janis: 😂 God no Janis: none of my brothers are harder than me and that's that on that Janis: he might chat to you on some weird shit you have no interest in but that's about your lot, it'll be fine Jimmy: firstly 😍 & secondly also 😍😍 Jimmy: stop being hot & not here it's a bit rude Janis: I know, right? Janis: Take it up with your Dad tbh but don't 'cos bigger sins and 🖕 Jimmy: any chance your brother can also bring you here now? Janis: So Igs, I have a dick appointment... Janis: 😏 Jimmy: if he's chill he's chill, yeah Jimmy: don't make the rules Janis: If you want me DOA 'cos shame 😳 Jimmy: You won't remember it in a bit Janis: So tempting Jimmy: so be tempted Jimmy: go on Janis: You just left Janis: but I've not stopped thinking about you Jimmy: alright then come back Jimmy: I'm thinking about you right now Janis: Fuck...okay but I can fully hide in your room if your Dad comes back, yeah? Jimmy: fuck him Jimmy: he don't matter Janis: I don't wanna get you in trouble though, actual trouble Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: if he wants to start shit that's him Janis: Okay, coming over Janis: track someone down to tell I'm still alive, like Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: I need to shower do you want me to wait for you so we can do it together? Janis: Wait Janis: I want that Jimmy: doing my bit for the water bill Jimmy: my dad can't say shit Janis: Definitely start your argument there, babe Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't wanna talk to him but if I gotta Janis: Well he's the one that fucked up today so what's he gonna say really Jimmy: 🙄 loads probably Janis: 😒 Janis: I'm gonna distract you though Jimmy: you'll get through the door see the 🐶 and only have eyes for her Janis: I mean, she is pretty demanding but nah Janis: you got my full attention right now Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I want it Janis: Thank fuck Janis: be awkward if you didn't now Jimmy: I did reckon that maybe I'd get it out of my system and be like Janet who? but Jimmy: I weren't ready to go yet Janis: 😑 Janis: Got a day or so left in us then you reckon? Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: if you don't take me somewhere shit tomorrow I'll give you another day, only fair Janis: 👍 oh tah Janis: dickhead 😏 Jimmy: for real though, it made me want you more Jimmy: that's weird, isn't it? Janis: is it? Jimmy: I didn't reckon I could Jimmy: but you were just Janis: I'm glad I didn't disappoint Janis: 'cos I want more of you too Jimmy: piss off would you Jimmy: not to be all 😍 but 😍 Janis: 💪 Janis: 'course not Jimmy: You know what you were & it weren't disappointing Janis: You're cute Jimmy: alright shut up Janis: Nah Janis: gonna have to wait and make me cutie Jimmy: you're gonna make me 😳 Jimmy: stop Janis: 🤤 Jimmy: how long can I let my sister be out getting food before I reckon she's been snatched? asking for a friend Janis: I think you've got a while yet Janis: I'll let you know when you can worry Janis: got her phone, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: glued to it more than we are Janis: practically born with one these days Jimmy: can't blame her she had loads of mates back home Janis: yeah, must miss them loads Janis: least it ain't too hard to get back, when she's a bit older, like Jimmy: fuck knows where any of us will be this time next week the way my dad carries on Jimmy: he's gotta be with someone right now 'cause he ain't here Janis: true Janis: most likely, coulda at the literal least text Jimmy: I know he ain't got loads of mates Jimmy: must be busy, don't wanna think about it 'cause how ungoals Jimmy: what's the opposite of 😍 Janis: 🤢 Janis: Basically Janis: doesn't put me in the mood either don't worry Jimmy: I take back what I said before, that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me 💕 Jimmy: save me from the repeated history Janis: 😂 Janis: I can tell you all about how unattractive I find him if that works, easy Jimmy: don't think 'bout him if it's such a turn off, only gives me more work to do Janis: Don't be a slacker, babe 😏 Jimmy: never even faked it Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: I'll allow it Janis: I felt it Jimmy: I still feel it Jimmy: you Janis: You're killing me Jimmy: I don't wanna make it weird but Janis: ? Jimmy: I don't know just Jimmy: it's not been like that for me before Jimmy: all the 'shade' to my ex maybe Janis: I feel it too Janis: so not weird, just us usual at this point Jimmy: I really can't stop thinking about you, I know I already said it Janis: I know, I seriously can't Janis: and like Janis: give a shit about judgment that ain't why I'm saying it Janis: but I don't do things like this, this quick, usually, you know but I just Janis: wanted to so bad Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: me either, for all my chat Janis: Yeah? Janis: makes me feel better, like, it was happening regardless but I was a bit worried you'd notice Jimmy: there have been other girls, scattered about but I've only had the one girlfriend Jimmy: & you know how that went Janis: Yeah Janis: can't help being so youthful Jimmy: & we were mates first for ages it wasn't like this Janis: Makes sense Janis: I'm a casual billy no mates as well all know though so 🤷 Jimmy: me too Jimmy: we did try and be mates after but it never quite happened Jimmy: Barry's #influence Janis: Jealous type? Jimmy: not that simple but let's say it is Janis: Fair enough Jimmy: there was just a lot of shit happening & not Jimmy: for all of us Jimmy: how fucking cryptic, am I a paddy now or what? Janis: 🍀 getting so acclimatized babe Janis: but seriously, you don't owe me nothing if you don't wanna talk on shit, it's cool Jimmy: I know Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: easy to talk to? or I like it whatever Janis: I like talking to you and all Janis: I know I don't say loads (or do I? #chatty) but I barely talk to my own fam never mind anyone else so believe me like Janis: you're honoured, is what I'm saying Jimmy: can't get a word in, can you? Jimmy: I'm that dickhead Jimmy: I don't know it's like rule 1 of this new roof is there was no before & alright but Jimmy: there was Janis: Nah, if you were you'd be too much like my Sister and there's no way I'd have even fake kissed you never mind really fucked you Janis: sometimes you wanna talk about that shit Janis: it don't always stay before, good or bad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 like Jimmy: I'm shutting up now Jimmy: Take a turn, girl Janis: You don't have to but alright Janis: what you wanna know Jimmy: only what you wanna tell me Jimmy: I'm not here to dig Janis: hmm Janis: okay Janis: don't be weird, yeah, usual rules Jimmy: 👌 Janis: It's weird because I didn't want to tell anyone about it or talk about it before but now it's happened I kinda do but also, there's still no one I would wanna but you really so Janis: that was my first time, like, proper sex Jimmy: well now I'm glad I didn't disappoint Jimmy: shit Jimmy: I'd have never have reckoned that Janis: That was the plan Janis: to not let on, not 'cos I don't trust you or nothing but idk, why make it a big deal but Janis: there you go Jimmy: you could've told me Jimmy: I probably wouldn't do anything different 'cause you know Jimmy: but I don't know, I'm just saying, you can tell me shit from now on if you want Janis: I don't know, people get in your head about that shit, don't they, like everyone says first times are crap but if you didn't know then you wouldn't be different and it didn't have to be Janis: and it really weren't Janis: so, thanks, yeah? 😉 Jimmy: Goddamn it, Jillian, stop trying to make me fall in love with you Jimmy: how do you take your first time at anything and just fucking 🥇 Jimmy: bit rude Janis: You ain't mad about it Janis: team, remember Jimmy: I'm like in #awe Janis: Shh 😌 Jimmy: sort of wish I could tell everyone so I could big you up how you deserve Jimmy: won't though Janis: People reckon they know anyway 'cos obviously if some dickhead from School ain't bragging about swiping my Vs to everyone it couldn't have happened Janis: dunno how #goals everyone would rate that but I appreciate Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: it'd get twisted so like I said, I won't but 🥇 seriously Janis: 😍 Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: Under 10 minutes Jimmy: Cass is back, I'll fight her for your share of food Jimmy: what could be more #goals Jimmy: get a boyfriend who'd smack down a 12 year old girl he's related to for you Janis: 😂 Janis: My hero, truly Jimmy: I don't even know how you like your chips Jimmy: probably some weird way Janis: Lemme guess, gravy Jimmy: say something snide, you can't Jimmy: it's good Janis: 😏 just that you're an absolute stereotype Janis: but I seriously ain't fussy, when you've got a Dad who insists on doing needlessly fancy shit to everything, it's good to just have some straight up junk Jimmy: peas are good too Jimmy: there's loads of shit here anyway Jimmy: remind me not to give my sister money again Janis: 💸💸💸 Janis: I'll try it your way, impress me, boy Jimmy: if I don't with the food, I'll do it after Janis: You better Jimmy: have I been all chat even once? nah Janis: that's why I like you Janis: no bullshit Jimmy: so you can believe me when I say shit first time is a myth but it does get better the more you do it Janis: I will, even if that sounds like a ploy to get me to fuck you more Janis: not mad Jimmy: maybe it is Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but I still think we can make it true too Janis: 'course we can Janis: as long as I wasn't awful, hence I had to check before or you'd feel like you had to be nice, like Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: you got the right boy? Janis: If I ain't don't tell him Janis: you sound hot Jimmy: [sends selfie] I am Jimmy: you have kissed lads before though? you're not gonna tell me that you just smashed that 🥇 too, are you? Janis: DAMN Janis: better make that my phone background asap 'cos #boydonegood Janis: nah, I've kissed lads Janis: not loads and like I said, it sucked every time but Jimmy: thank feck for that Jimmy: not that it sucked but they exist Janis: Why? Janis: Can't deal with me being THAT good? 😏 Jimmy: nah I can't Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm glad I had though or I might not have agreed to our deal Janis: I felt nothing but I knew they liked it, so it'd be alright Jimmy: did they ALL fall for you or just me? Janis: One of them unlikely as he's a massive prick who's rode every girl in his School and most at ours Janis: then the other was a kid in Brazil because we always go back to where my Dad's fam is from so I saw him a lot when we used to go back more Janis: maybe but you know, years ago now Jimmy: he so did Jimmy: just thinking about kissing you Jimmy: you know what it makes me feel like Janis: Tell me though Jimmy: I don't even know how to Jimmy: it just sounds like bollocks but its not Janis: I believe you Jimmy: I wish we could stay in all day tomorrow Jimmy: but I can't be that dickhead Janis: We've got time Janis: however long we wanna Janis: not going anywhere yet Jimmy: I believe you Janis: Good Janis: You're making this holiday bearable, hell, this fucking town right now Jimmy: I don't have to say likewise Jimmy: even before when it was meant to be only fake bearable Janis: Yeah Janis: You're just better than everyone else here, that's facts regardlesss of what we're doing Janis: I should've found that out sooner but whatever Jimmy: like you said, we've got time Jimmy: when you get here stay outside for a bit, I know it's probably gonna piss down but I want Jimmy: I wanna just be alone without kids and fucking dogs & dads that might appear or not whenever Janis: Okay Janis: I want that too Janis: we're showering anyway Jimmy: & I'll keep your chips warm for you, I'm not an animal Janis: 💕 Jimmy: gimme a phone background Janis: [Cute selfie which we should defs find for each other 'cos yas] Jimmy: 👌 now I really wanna be alone Jimmy: so what you've just been walking around looking like that? bit rude Janis: Who do I think I am, honestly? Janis: Getting off the bus though, if you see me, don't let me go to the wrong house for a laugh, tah Jimmy: Hang on, what's your name again, Jasmine Canvas? summat like that Janis: 🙄 you wish, art hoe Jimmy: me? yeah alright Jimmy: you & your flair Janis: I won't apologise for being #inspired Janis: get you some concealer from gracie if CG gets mad about it Jimmy: I won't say soz for how much I've touched it since Jimmy: or cover it up for them dickheads Jimmy: what did you say before? Can't censor #art Janis: When it fades I'll give you another one Janis: so you remember just how much I want you Jimmy: I'm not gonna let myself forget Jimmy: or you Janis: I don't plan on letting you either Janis: but giving you one every time we screw might be a bit excessive Janis: don't wanna leave you that sore, poor boy Jimmy: just cover me tonight it's not gonna be topless weather at the beach even if I am that northern Janis: How can I refuse such an offer? 😍 Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: but I don't want you to Jimmy: I just want you until we have to crash Janis: Give me some too? Janis: I like them Jimmy: how can I refuse? not gonna Janis: You're fun Janis: and hot Janis: I really really like fucking with you Jimmy: 😳 Jimmy: it was fun that really got me Jimmy: fuck knows when I was last called that Janis: You are Janis: people are idiots Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: & I like you Janis: Backatcha Janis: See yours, come out and kiss me please Jimmy: I was about to ask where the fuck you were Janis: Shut up, I didn't get lost or nothing, you kept distracting me, as per Jimmy: you shut up, saying please when you know it kills me Janis: 😈 Jimmy: how do you look so Jimmy: who looks good in the rain? piss off Janis: 😏 and people reckon i'm unbearable now, keep giving me compliments imma be so bad Jimmy: Nah? I'm so mad at you Jimmy: Can't you tell Janis: 😞 Janis: can't you see this pout Jimmy: [kisses her by biting the pouty lip and pulling it in 'cause how dare she be so cute bye] Janis: [Makes noises 'cos gotta be quieter inside and also damn boy] Janis: still mad? Jimmy: Maybe Janis: Do what you gotta do 'til you ain't, I'm ready Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: [keeps kissing her 'cause they extra] Janis: am I staying the night? Jimmy: yeah Janis: Good Janis: reluctantly go in now then Jimmy: would you have come all this way just to kiss me? Janis: 😶😳 Jimmy: then we can't go in yet Jimmy: [more kisses 'cause he's swooning bitch] Janis: I want to kiss you all the fucking time Jimmy: go on Janis: [Kisses first to end him] Jimmy: [Gotta give her a loud reaction back 'cause she's earning it] Janis: Fucking hell baby Janis: that ws the best thing I've ever heard Jimmy: if you wanna hear it again you know what to do Jimmy: whenever Janis: I don't wanna hear anything else Jimmy: but I've gotta let you get a word or sound in sometimes Jimmy: if only for me Janis: only for you Janis: fuck I'm so wet can we eat later or is that so anti-social and rude Jimmy: we can Jimmy: Cass & Bobby eat the speed of light, they were basically done before you got here Janis: I promise to be good and social and everything we need to be later Jimmy: I'm not asking for nowt Jimmy: you're here, I got what I wanted Janis: not yet you didn't Jimmy: alright yeah Jimmy: so come on Janis: 😍 Jimmy: [Hand holding to go inside, making Winnie's dream's come true]

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: How are they then? Buster: Besides missing me madly like Rio: Yeah, that's the general consensus here, like Rio: Assuming I'm talking to the girls? 😜 Rio: Everyone's good, enjoying their freedom from education hard, being cute gays, like Rio: How are you lot, babe? Buster: Better not be too hard though, Nance has got a lot of hair to hold back. Your brother not so much, granted Buster: Oh you know, we're manic. High on sugar and poor impulse control Rio: Don't worry, the stylish yet efficient bun is in, she'd not risk her crowning glory, like 😂 Rio: 😏 and that's just you, yeah? Buster: Standard Buster: 'Course. Only bribe you with the sweet stuff Rio: Likewise Rio: You know my weaknesses Rio: I'll facetime later to read 'em a story, I found some cool new ones out here Rio: Why were we shopping for kid's stuff I hear you not ask, well Rio: Don't worry, your sister ain't knocked up Buster: You gonna facetime me later too, yeah? Buster: I got to thinking she'd landed herself another MILF, this time with kids in toe like Rio: Duh, know you can't sleep without a story from me either, I got you baby Rio: Nope Rio: You'll never guess Buster: Are you actually gonna make me Buster: Or just tell me Rio: Alright, Demi and June are going to have a baby! Buster: You're right I'd never have guessed that one Rio: Well, here's the thing Rio: they've asked me to surrogate for them Buster: But you burst their bubble, right? Buster: And then they found someone else Rio: No Rio: We've not gone ahead and started the process or anything but I think its a good idea Rio: it'll make it so its biologically a bit of both of them, as close as Buster: Yeah I get where they're coming from and what they get out of it Rio: You don't think it'd be a nice thing for me to do for them? Why not? I've got the eggs, the incubator Buster: Nice ain't the word, babe Rio: Its my little brother, if I can do something to make him happy, I wanna Rio: and it won't be that much of a hardship on me, like Rio: Sure I can deal with morning sickness and the rest Buster: If you say so Rio: You don't want me to Buster: It ain't up to me Rio: No but I care about your opinion Buster: Yeah? Buster: That's why you already said you'd do it Rio: Not officially, or exactly Rio: I couldn't no it out of the gate Rio: He's so excited, you know what he's like, it would've looked weird if I wasn't Buster: Fuck that Buster: It's weird that you wanna do it Rio: Why is that weird? Buster: 'Cause you ain't Chlo, wanting to just give your kid over when you reckon your part's done Rio: Don't say that Rio: It won't be mine Buster: Bullshit Buster: You're carrying it, you think you're not gonna get attached feeling it kick and everything Buster: Come on Rio: Plenty of women do it Rio: All the time Buster: I don't care about them Buster: I care about you Rio: Then trust me when I say I can Buster: You know I trust you Buster: But can't I be worried, like Buster: Just trying to look at this from the POV you won't Rio: Of course you can but Rio: It isn't fair if they can't have a kid Buster: Grace can't either, you gonna offer for her too? Buster: Don't act like there aren't other options Rio: If she asked, yeah Rio: but she's 18 and single so quite unlikely Buster: You know what I mean Rio: Well what if I want to experience it myself Rio: I'm not going to get a chance now either, unless I take this Buster: That's not a reason to put yourself through this Rio: You can't say that Rio: You don't know, you have kids, and your a man, its totally different Buster: So it's my fault now? Buster: Whatever Buster: You wanted my opinion Buster: I know what it's like to not be able to raise your kid yourself, remember? I don't want that for you Rio: Didn't say that Rio: I'm saying you can't know how I feel on it Rio: It isn't like I'll never see it Rio: still be family Buster: Don't you reckon that'll be harder? Buster: Look what happened to your sister, having Drew around but not Rio: Why would it be anything like that Rio: I'm not like him, I'm not going to pretend she doesn't exist Rio: she'll have me as her Auntie and she'll know I'm her bio Ma but she'll have two parents that love her Buster: So did Edie Buster: Really felt it though, didn't she? Rio: Shut up Rio: You're being stupid now Rio: Its not close to the same situation Rio: Edie knew she was a mistake, one her Da especially did not want Rio: this is planned, and so wanted, and the kid will know Buster: Forget I said anything then Buster: You've made your mind up already anyway Rio: I have to do this Rio: can't you support me? Buster: Of course I'll support you Buster: Doesn't mean I can't warn you. I have to, if you have to do this Rio: Okay Rio: I hear you, yeah? Rio: Noted Buster: I love you Rio: I love you too Buster: Good Rio: I'm coming Home in Sunday Rio: or Imma have to buy another suitcase for all the presents Buster: And if Kira couldn't see you before she goes back to Erin's you'd have to hide in your suitcase Rio: Exactly Rio: Don't wanna miss her Buster: No way she's letting that happen Buster: And, you know, her curls are so big now like Rio: 😍 Rio: They're both so beautiful, my heart melts Rio: How can I deny the world of my DNA either, yeah? Buster: You've got me there Buster: You would make a beautiful kid Rio: Right? Rio: And Demi is gorg so not gonna fuck with the mix, thank God Rio: like soz, Junie, don't rate your mans Buster: He's not as hot as me, but who is Rio: Obviously Rio: but not the colour they going for, like Buster: Tut tut Rio: Reverse racism at its finest, you reckon? 😂 Buster: I'm only playing Buster: Gotta when you got no adult company Rio: Poor baby Rio: You love it Buster: Can't lie Rio: Mhmm, no fooling me, boy Buster: Too late for all that, I know Rio: How's Messi Rio: take a pic? Buster: [Sends a group selfie] Rio: 😘💖😩💋 Rio: My faves Rio: Wish I was Home Buster: Me too Buster: But we've waited longer for each other, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Just dramatic Rio: We're all going out later so, won't have time to mope then, they won't have that 😏 Buster: Out where? Buster: Like the club or the museum? Very different vibes Rio: The club, we've exhausted the museums Rio: Sure the lads would disagree but Buster: And you've gotta make the most of it Buster: Can't be hitting the dance floor pregnant Rio: Who says? Rio: Gotta keep working and werkin', like Buster: 🤑 Rio: Although I am having to argue that case rn Rio: Obviously, you get compensation but Demi says I should rest and take more but Rio: I don't know Buster: You'll have to decide when it happens Buster: You won't know the struggle until you do Buster: My mum worked until she dropped, literally but Chlo milked it as her standard Buster: Erin was somewhere in the middle Rio: You did drop in early Rio: Height of rudeness, tbh Rio: Couldn't let me be even a few days older Buster: Blame Nance, she came out first Buster: I was chill and chilling Rio: Likely story 😂 Rio: Hope I don't give them a bogof baby too Rio: not planning for that Buster: You'll be begging for rest then Buster: My mum was sick as hell with us Rio: Again, your awkwardness does not shock me, babe Rio: It is more likely with IVF but fingers crossed Rio: not needing the extra dollar that bad Buster: At least you could take inspo from Disney and keep one each Buster: What could go wrong? 😂 Rio: Perfect plan Rio: You already think I'm gonna become the child snatcher so why not be that cruel about it Buster: Exactly Buster: And the cuteness will be too hard to resist we already know Rio: Oh yeah, THAT'S why you've got 2 already 🙄 Rio: I've got some self-control, unlike yous 😘 Buster: 'Course Buster: 😇 you are Buster: Sainting yourself with this move too so Rio: Hard job but someone's gotta Buster: Who says? Rio: Don't lets start on that again Buster: I'm just saying Buster: Catch me here sinning Rio: Sure, Dad 😏 Rio: Face it, you're such a good boy now Rio: lost it, like Buster: You wish, babe Rio: Nah Rio: Devvo about it, I am Buster: Liar Buster: It'll go perfect with your mother mary vibes when all this goes ahead Rio: Fuck off Buster: I'd say make me but you're too much of a goodie two shoes now Rio: You're so annoying Rio: being a Da made you perfect, did it? Rio: I think not Buster: You know it Buster: Always been close anyway though Rio: 😂 Rio: Please Rio: Anyway, I'm not going to be a Mum, fullstop Buster: Says you Buster: The kid might have a different take Rio: Lord, it ain't even cooking yet Rio: Never mind your imagined teen angst Rio: plenty of donor babies in the world, not losing their shit Rio: they'll be better parents than I'd ever Buster: Whatever Buster: Come on, there's a limit to the bullshit and we both know you're such a great ma Buster: Indie can vouch Rio: That's different Rio: it isn't real, for one Buster: Jay then Rio: You know I love her Buster: Yeah and you're more of a mum than her actual one is Buster: So don't use that as an excuse Rio: I'm not Rio: I'm just saying Rio: The kid's gonna have a good life, yeah Rio: It won't be wanting for anything, least of all me, I'm sure Buster: Fine Rio: Don't be angry Buster: I don't wanna fight with you Buster: Go have fun or whatever Rio: Well, I ain't going to now Rio: but we'll talk when I get back, then? Buster: If that's what you want, yeah Rio: We're getting nowhere now so Rio: Got no other option, have I Buster: You always have options, Rio Buster: But pick your battles too, like Rio: Didn't realise it would be one Buster: What does that tell you? How much have you even thought about this? Rio: If I had made this much drama when you were having Kira, Jay even, we wouldn't be here rn Buster: That's different Buster: It wasn't my decision, for one thing Rio: So? I still supported you Rio: It was still happening Buster: I've said I'll support you Buster: Doesn't mean I have to agree with everything Rio: How are you going to support me if you don't agree with it on some level Rio: Its not going to work Buster: I'll be here anyway, that's how Buster: For you Rio: Alright Buster: Not like I'm the first person to have to get on board with something I'm not 100% sure will work Buster: Our families did it for us and that worked out Rio: True Rio: Just thought it'd be different Rio: but its alright Buster: What do you want from me? Buster: Tell me Rio: No, it was stupid Rio: you're fine Buster: Rio Buster: Come on Rio: It's me Rio: I'm good Buster: Babe, talk to me Buster: I'm sorry I made you upset Buster: But you can tell me anything Rio: It isn't your fault Rio: I just wish it was exciting news Rio: it is for them Rio: but you're not excited for me, and why would you be, or anyone else Rio: because it isn't my news Buster: I'm sorry Buster: That's all I was trying to get across, you don't have to do this just 'cause they want you to Buster: If you wanna have a baby this isn't the way, you know Rio: I know, they aren't forcuing me Rio: but, I don't wanna take that away from them, anyone Buster: I know and you know I love how much you care and how you'll do anything for the people you love, yeah? Buster: I'm just saying don't hurt yourself over it Buster: I just want you to be careful. Think carefully that's all Rio: Yeah Rio: I will Rio: I am Buster: I'm not trying to say it's the same, fucking obviously, but when my mum and dad didn't bring my brother home from the hospital, I remember it Buster: How excited me and Nance were and then Rio: I know Rio: That's awful Rio: but you were kids, there was a lot of confusion and not getting it Rio: I know what I'm signing up for here, like Rio: I know it won't be fun for a while afterward, the hormones and that Buster: Just remember you'll be leaving empty handed too Buster: I trust you Buster: I won't keep beating you over the head with my drama Rio: I can't not do it Rio: How would I say no, like? Buster: Just let the word come out Buster: Practice on me if you want Rio: Funny Rio: They'd be heartbroken Buster: Call me selfish but I'd rather them than you Rio: I can handle it Rio: It's about time something good happens for June, Billie has Stevie and she's settled Buster: Then do it Buster: I can't and won't stop you Rio: My Ma'll be buzzin' Rio: another grandbaby, at last, slacking so hard, like Buster: No arguments there Rio: think she was 6 down by now Rio: preggo with the twins Buster: Christ Buster: Two's hard enough, cheers Buster: Didn't have to birth them myself either Rio: Yeah, she's hardcore Buster: I clearly take after mine Buster: Happy with two Buster: Any more would be such a headfuck Buster: They got their head round it though I guess Rio: Nah, you're just saying that 'cos you ain't had chance to impregnate anyone recently Buster: You're away until Sunday Buster: Plenty of time Buster: Three could be my magic number too Rio: Fuck off Rio: You prick 😂 Buster: I proper miss you Rio: Sounds like it Buster: If you need to hear it, call me later Rio: Just lemme know when you've got your newest baby mama out the door and I will Buster: But I might need you before she leaves, 'cause you know I don't want anyone as much as you Buster: Hate to fail to make baby 3 Rio: Can't find the staff these days, can ya? Buster: 😂 Buster: Got my heart set on sticking to the numbers and my parents status quo though now Rio: I believe in you, babe Rio: power through Rio: if you can with Chlo, you can with anyone Buster: True Buster: Better hit the club myself for a candidate Rio: Ha, you gonna bring along 1&2 like? Buster: They'd love it Buster: Haven't stopped dancing all day Rio: Reckon you'll fuck with their street cred tho Buster: maybe Rio: who goes to the club with their lame old dad Buster: You would Buster: Daddy's girl Rio: Can't tell if you mean my actual Da or you Rio: too awkward to ask Buster: That's how you know you need to sort yourself out, babe Rio: shut up Rio: you love it Buster: I do love you Rio: I know Buster: Good